Lessons

Lesson Info

Love, Service, and Living Your Truth with Danielle LaPorte

Henry. What's up? It's Chase. Welcome to another episode. The Chase Drivers Live Show and creativelive. You all know this show. I hope you do. By now. This is a show where I sit down with amazing humans and I do everything I can unpack their brains with the single goal of helping you live your dreams. Whether that's career or hobby or life, I guess today is gonna take you on a journey. We're here to discuss a bunch of stuff. She's done like three or four books. New one white hot Truth is super hot. And yesterday is Daniel Report. Yeah, like you. Kara, Thank you so much for being on the show. Oh, yeah, we were just talking. This is, like, kind of a long time in the making. Yes, I've had my eye on your space and how you're growing and, you know, for everybody is watching. When I walked in, I just like I'm so happy for your success. Thank you. Yeah, you pulled it off. I wanted to do this. And I was like, Yeah, let's chase. What you should have said is like, That is a hell of a lot of work...

. Look at the bags under that dude's crazy. Totally crazy. Yeah, well, if you have, um, if you are kind enough to say those nice things about me, I'll be kind enough to say your work is crazy. Impactful. And so, well, time so relevant. Culturally, we're gonna take a nice arc in the show today. We can go wherever you want to go, but I have a couple of things I want to hit on. Ah, a couple of things we invariably on enough for those folks at home. You could probably grasp that this happens. We don't just walk in and sit down and start recording. There's, like, small talk, and I'm so happy you're here. I was just watching your thing, and and we end up saying a bunch of stuff that I want. I'm just like going to decide to stop talking so we could save it for the broadcast. Um, yeah. And I'm also very jealousy of Canadian. I tangible I love, uh, my country. I I also love Canada to say that it's a lovable right. It is. It's a lovable but welcome show. Thank you for agreeing to be here. I did just sneak a peek and you were recording something else down the hall here. Creativelive. I will. Not enough, I guess. The and the folks at home, but no podcast week. She was interviewed by ST me. Um, give me a little context for the folks at home again. You know, our audience here. Really? Well, you said you watch the show. A bunch? Yeah. Just start. Started this start. Sorry. Start the start. Go back a little bit. Question. Come on. Started. Start open ended. Uh, started the start. I, um let me start with today. I'm grateful to be here. I'm very interested in the medicine and the poison. That is social media. I'm very interested in conversations around goal setting. I'm probably most well known at this point for a book, a program called Desire Map, which is like what I call a soulful approach to goal setting. But really, that's actually a bit of a like, a tricky subtitle, because it was really about, like, anti goal settings. So there's something interesting there. I'm rough. Oprah. Yeah, I had brunch with Oprah. That's pretty bad. Three d bad ass. And you're one of her 100 awesome Dover sole super people. Stedman was there for brunch. Stedman just walked in and his track suit. I think he was just there for, like, the food. Yeah. Um, White House. Truth is, most recent book Firestarter Sessions was one of my first things, you know, big offerings, which is about defining success on your own terms and and being everything that's not about plastic and genetically assumed definitions of ambition. And and I'll say everything I wrote like before. Nine o'clock this morning. I want to burn. Okay. So I don't want to start over. I just want to talk. Go awake. So I can say what I have to say today about whatever is up for me. I think you just gave me, like, 10 hours for the material, so I don't know if you notice I just handcuffed to the chair. We're gonna be here for a while, folks. Let's go. The like You were most fired up as I was just listening to the You know, you talk about what you were. Give us Nestle arc there, But you're really a fearsome riel. Seriousness in your voice around social. Yeah, just like the benefits and the poison Yeah, you go it. I think it's like any medicine. You take too much of it in this poison. Um, I'm at a place so, you know, contacts. I'm sure everybody gets this. If you haven't author, if your unauthorized you have books, your engine of your business is social media. And I'm just, like deep introspection pulling out my relationship toe all of that. How do I change my relationship to Facebook when really, I think Facebook has become this vitriolic circus. That's really not doing as much good as it could. I think it should be free. Um, that sells my day planners and it sells my books. And, um, in examining my relationship like my businesses relationship to social media, I have had to look at the fact that I I am a workaholic. Well, and I've never really set that. Thank you for saying here. Yeah, on and I don't know what you know. I'm aware of steps and have lots of friends who gone through that process and held by it. I think he's you always stated in the present tense, which doesn't work for me. But I'm a recovering workaholic and that really shifts my relationship to Social. Wow. Yeah, I had a feeling the other day. I looked at my I was like, I don't like not being present. I think like presence and awareness, something I'm This is spent a 10 year journey for me constantly, just trying to get back to the moment. Back to the moment and busy people. We say we're busy, we're busy. A school is cool because it means you got a lot going on. And it's like I think I'm just getting so tired of all that. Now when people say, How are you? I say I'm tired because I'm passionate about things that working on. But I just don't like that. I guess where I'll just finished my earlier thought. I looked at my phone yesterday and I had time had passed, and I was not sure how much time. I just knew that I was just scrolling on day. I said to myself, There is nothing good happening right now, and sometimes there's plenty of good things that do come out of it. But just yesterday it was yesterday evening, I was like nothing good just happened. I feel worse than when I started scrolling and that's to me. That was this thing like, Whoa, we gotta We gotta figure this out. And, you know, I think our devices have been around long enough that this is like, generational isn't quite the right track for this, but it's like the evidence is coming in. You know, we're starting to see what is doing to our brains. We're starting to see what is doing to our lives. And this is, you know, you're talking about presence, and that's everything everybody's craving. You know, the guy, the girl, the money the promotion would have. Everything you want is really just underlying That is just a craving to be home. And all of this is for whatever home is for you. It has a lot to do with love and this is taking us out. And now we know, like for me the collision with realizing, you know, workaholism, which I justified for so long. You know, I saw you have ah, video up about the balance of the myth of life balance, which were I wrote about for years. And now I have to really question that, like United said, Well, it's about harmony. You know great. Never did anything without being exhausted at the finish line. And I think that's true. Many push the baby out in your launch. And, um but I got to a point where Social, let's just say in general was just really making me and having to so many of those moments like, I'm just never going to get that back. And I'm trying really, really trying to be a morning person. Got about a 10 p.m. And this is interrupting and a dopamine and the and the awareness is like when I didn't have that to fill it, my inclination was still to find some form of working. Yeah, interesting. I like that you put social in work because that's what you mean by meeting. We're called great. You're working, working really hard and that you care about. But also, this is sort of possibly working because if you're doing this, you're thinking about word. Probably. I'm looking. Do you love me? Did that did that was that Was that a hit? Was that are Hey, that article. Somebody thinks I'm smart today and I wonder if I wasn't in this business. You know the hustle hustle your wisdom business. I might just, like, call my friends instead of having a little instagram account. It will be a radical hustle your wisdom. I love that. Brilliant. I have not heard that pretty much. What? I dio hostile your wisdom. All right, so if we can assume it's wisdom, that's a big affair, But yeah, clearly was you found a lot of success. I would like to congratulate you on your success. Um, but let's under uncork this just a little bit further. So you framed that as helpful for your business? Necessary? Maybe essential. Critical. Critical. Yeah. Okay. My files. How do you have a safe relationship with social? Um, well, you examine your greed for one. How much do you need? Uh, we went through big process. I mean, still in it with my business. So team of nine. All women. One lucky dude. And you know what is growth really mean? Do we have to grow? Why can't we just, you know, we went through an exercise. Where what's our keep the lights on number where? And I keep the lights. I mean, everybody is well paid. Everybody get we can if we bring it in a coach. Take time off for your honeymoon like just juicy lives. I want to be generous, not just competitive. I want to be generous, and I feel, you know, paying people adequately, let alone paying them generously is an active element feminism, because patriarchy is always looking for a deal. So I feel like a woman by paying my people well. That's to keep the lights on number. And then there's healthy. We don't have to worry. What if we put some nonsense of flop? What if I go nuts and I need six months off? That's all. I just asked my account, the other damn, like so that business insurance getting crazy cover? Because I know that, um, so there's the well number. And then there's the outside of that is the growth number, and and for me, that growth is about. We get to hire the best people outside of the core team. I want the best designer I want, you know, and I could make whatever I want to make, and I can get £80 card stock and even go old school and print. I want my gold foil right. That's the great thing and then outside of that is just we just want to be, like, super flush. And I want to pay my house off, and I want to get another place, and I don't need to be there. I just because that number out there is right now for me is crazy making. So I want to be well and was a formal process that you did internally for your team. Well, usually happens in my living room with some tea. And I was like, You gotta change you guys. Um, yeah, there was some formula. Eyes ocean to it. Yeah, And is that a exercise that you prescribe? Like, how did you find yourself in? Do you eat your own medicine here? Oh, totally. Because we're addicted to growth because I think capitalism is killing us. And it was advocate like, Well, so what's the opposite of is, you're either going to your dying while you're having You can grow consciously, and you may have to say no sometimes to expansion because it's what's most nourishing and you see you're in touch with your system. And when your system is serving you when it's breaking you and you know I really think at this point this is like beyond idealistic, but business has to be in service to humanity. It's not just I love your bottom line. It's not just neutral. This business exists to make a difference. I think that's it. Uh, I don't want to call it a trend that feels like it's way under Valiant like a realization that this is actually the only thing that makes this whole program sustainable is if there is some inherent value beyond shareholder value and growth at all costs. You know, so little back story sharing, sharing here, um, and it's gonna be care focuses Dublin, sort, but started out this company was a side project side household for me and my partner. We put the lights on and boom are first class and 50,000 people, you know, like, wow, that's amazing. It was amazing. It was incredible. The 2nd 1 had 100,000. Now did that happen? And the 3rd 1 had 100 50,000 is probably the biggest class that the world's ever had. And it was interesting, and we definitely said, OK, we got a tiger by the tail. So what we do start figuring out it, grow it and it's fun. And and at some point we had venture capitals and what we wanted to be like, Let's do this great, you know, went through the process, found some amazing partners, and then we're down a Silicon Valley, so I get a footprint down there as well. Now, grow, grow, grow and yeah, I think sleeping through the night or you look at me Hell, no kidding. Look, it is not the face of a duty gets a lot of sleep, and I espouse and I profess asleep. I laid in bed for eight hours last night. I did not sleep for eight hours, but I was in the covers for eight hours. But my point is this in that culture, like growth is the growth is God. It's almost the only metric. And one person I had on the show who is actually in one of the venture capital firms. Greylock, one of the top firms of all time, Reid Hoffman. He's here. And he said one of the biggest decisions we made at Lincoln was to make this are 90% of our money came from businesses, yet we needed to make the product for the individual users. And that was radical because it wasn't actually in, like it was a decision to leave money on the table in service of something we believed in, which is providing a service for a human individual person. That was remarkable. It is. The irony is that that is not dominant is not. When my experience, the Silicon Valley, it's basically grow. It'll cost. Now, this is a long interlude here. But what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna now ask you like, but isn't personal growth. The thing that we're all striving for isn't like that is, isn't it? Or is it Are we striving? Is it love that we're striving for? Is it personal development like, well, development? What? This is Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I'm giving you some, giving you some bread crumbs years. But take him in and tell me you tell me because people listen to show because they want to grow and change and transform their lives. And and you just said it Really, I think a bold thing. It's like it's not growing all cost. There's there's this. We have to look at it more carefully and so I want you to talk about that for a second. Well, my whole thesis, if I may, please. This is this is a species or why you're here. My whole seizes with white hot truth is that self help too often is becoming a tool for self criticism. It's beautiful. It's another form of addiction, this form of personal growth. Thanks for setting this up that I haven't thought about it a while, and it really begins with the intention. So are you going for therapy? Are you using your fit? But are you logging time on a meditation cushion? Are you going to the retreat about pussy power? Are you eaten green? Whatever it is you think is gonna make you better person. Are you doing that out of this place of inadequacy? Out of this place of shame out of this place of just Catholic guilt, Jewish guilt, it's all the You're guilty if you're in an organized religion. Really? Um, and that will just put you on this hamster wheel and will cost you a lot of money. You know, my revelation waas I mean, basically, get down on this question is everything I'm doing to be Well, really making me well, And it was actually stressing me out. And I looked at my day planner, um, which I produced, by the way, You could get do their remarkable beautiful system. I love that, um, offering. And I had, like, a Skype with a shaman and then yoga. And then I would write a little smiley face every time I go to yoga, because it made me a better person. Uh, and then, uh, then I had my shrink, and I just like, I don't Where am I? What am I doing? And I went through withdrawals. I just I took myself off the program and had some betrayal. Great betrayal. Stuff happen with, like, an energy worker. And it was just really clear. Just, like clean my space up. And the withdrawals were Oh, my God, should I? I should talk to my coach before I sign this contract. No, I said me, I said, self referencing self agency and my life did not fall apart. And the good news is the good news. You guys, for a long time I was doing speaking gigs. I would stand up and say, Let's run this like in a meeting, I stand up and say, My name is Daniel. Everything Hello, Danielle, and I like it has been. It has been 11 months since I hadn't astrology reading. I have not been to a psychic for a year, and, uh, and I've saved a lot of money and a lot more peace. And, yeah, talk about self hate. I was impressed by that. Your take on that. I think that's a, um, I have been introduced to that term in that went to the last 2 to 40 years. I'm seeing it sort of grow in popularity, and it sounds harsh. It sounds so. It sounds good. Yeah, it does sound hard, but you speak of it eloquently. I think it's It's I don't want to say underpinning. I think it's a through line in a lot of our motivations, and I think a lot of it comes from family of origin stuff everybody in their innocent, fumbling and bumbling of raising Children, and we get planted with these toxic little seeds about self worth and all the things we should be ashamed of. And, you know, my audience is predominantly New age women, self referencing, and it's amazing when you ask a room full of 4000 women, if maybe just a little bit. If they hate themselves, we'll go deeper because I think for those who have just heard that term for the first time, like, what do you mean by that? Because I don't like I'm sitting here like I don't hate myself. I think I'm a pretty good guy or, in your case, pretty good woman. And I do accent why I got my faults. But But hey, you decent? Yeah, but what it like? There's a do you consider self hate, like the voice in my head that what Arianna Huffington calls that your unwanted roommate, Or like what? So people can say, Oh, yeah, I got a little bit of that self hate. Describe it. What is it? Oh, I should be further along than I am. Um, I need to be skinnier. Curve, You're whiter, Browner Longer. Shorter. Um, it's all it's all tangled up with a striving. It's part of the the game of comparison comparison will kill your spirit. Um, it's it's a self talk, for sure. I mean, sometimes I'm struck when I see a really powerful person like let's let's define that, Ah, person who's in a position of influence And they say something like such an idiot. I'm sure there's sometimes you say I was such an am I got well, they like it. Just how people speak of themselves are what you wouldn't talk to your child like that. And you know this this this the beautiful story and the self hatred conversation is around. The first time I heard about this meeting that happened with the Dalai Lama and a group of psychologists and some scientists and high level meditators, and somebody brought up the converse, the concept of self hatred to the Dalai Lama, 14th incarnation of the Buddha. Never heard of this had to kept. You can see it kept turning to his translators like I don't get it. I just you know, if I was Ariza, listen, it's an epidemic, and it's driving so much of what we dio and we just it's the poison in the water and let's just call it for what it is. And and I thought, Doesn't everybody hate themselves just a little bit? Apparently not. Apparently not. I want to be there I mean, I Is it a Western culture thing is a, uh, male female. Is it us? Is it pop culture? What's driving it? Well, I think it's just wildfire in Western culture and Western cultures, you know, there's globalism, it's and the comparison that social media gives everybody the opportunity every day we're going to bring about. Yeah, just filter that shit up and then see who's compared to me. I used to co run a think tank and we would scenario plan for future cataclysmic events and I was somebody brought up. What happens if people in Third World situations see commercials of that woman pouring Coca Cola into a glass of ice? I mean, that hurts you bringing. I really think what happens? They see everything that's going on. It was the ice. They don't have referred. They don't have ice. They're gonna feel lacking. Now. They're gonna need the fridge now. Need cleaning job? Yeah, it's a comparison explosion. So how do you escape it? Like again? Where yet we're I think, intentionally I'm trying to underscore the point that what we're talking about is everywhere. It's pervasive. So I'm setting up the problem. Yeah. Okay, And right now you're like, Wait a minute. Now if I drink, call with ice, I'm bad, right? Like you. And I mean, how do you have the remedy? Like So let's just let me let me back up. What we have just established is that everyone's got a little selfish because that's if self hate, it is defined. This is loose definition. I'm gonna try and take from your work like that's that negative self talk. I'm not tall enough. Skinny enough. Smart enough. Fast. Enough, Enough. Rich enough. We've all got it. I don't know anyone who doesn't the But you've also said, is social is everywhere. Comparing that, it's enhancing our ability to compare more quickly because media information's coming us more quickly. Do your God take me out of the cave because I feel like I want to jump off a bridge. This is like This is not optimistic. Deliver me. OK, tell me. Tell me what's the good of the promised land? Go to the promised land because that's a very bleak and nine out of 10 guests on this show. We talk about how oh, like I built my business on the back of being ableto, um, you know, tell stories on the Internet and that's the great democratize er, And it's the first time in the history of the world where we'll have access to distribution, a block and all those things. Can they both be true at the same time? Absolutely. I mean consciousness is about being able to hold conflicting ideologies. At the same time, you can see both. It's very it's very great. And it's very much seen is very beautiful. Um, how you get out, you have to want to get out. You have to want to be conscious. This isn't This isn't like you get to swim in this sea of culture and maybe the idea will come. You know, someone's gonna feed you something and you're gonna wanna live a holistic life and love yourself. You have to want it with all your might and you have to do the work. You have to go for therapy. You have to eat clean and do what you want. Sure, but there's a reason why clean eating and meditation, some form of contemplation and moving your body in a sacred way, not just running to be fit, but being one with your bod. There's a reason those things of being preached about for thousands of years because they work. Yeah. If you are in enough pain, we other moved towards put pleasure pain. I vote for pleasure. Um, but if you're in enough pain, you're going to reach for some tools, toe, wake up. Those will put you on the path to self agency. You will get to the bedrock of self hate. You will go through the hell of that, and you will realize you have only love to live for. Um, but that requires someone's been some leads, but yeah. So you write about the husband that that requires you gave us a bunch of tactics just now. We need to meditating. Move our body spiritually by that immediately. Yoga? Uh, yeah. I didn't go for a run and make it your offering to God. Whatever. Go just be brutal for a walk around the block and and just say a prayer that for journalists and and democracy, and that the planet gets cleaned up. Just be intentional. How you gonna? Everybody Okay. Are there things that are on this list? And for what it's worth, like it's taken me most of my life to figure out all the things that you're talking about. Now I do have I do have a list of 10 things that I do every day. And everything that you just mentioned is on that list. I don't do it. Please do. What if you don't do the 10 things? Do you feel like shit? I do not all 10. I can. I can I can run with six out of 10 for a while, okay? And then the wheels do start. But I feel like should I don't mean like your demeanor. What? But do you criticize yourself if you're not doing the 10 um, to me and use it as awareness practice so to me, and then this is a process that I have had to go through in order to arrive at this place, which is I use this as a reminder that went The reason you have a map is is, uh, the reason you make a plan is so when shit is blowing up around you, you don't have to create a plan. You look at the piece of paper that you wrote when you were of sound mind and body. It's like, Oh, I do this when hell's breaking this, I just go back to these basic things. And so I have learned to look at that more as a road map and a reminder then as ah, you deck, you didn't, you know, meditate yesterday morning, so I figured it out. But my competitive self earlier me was like, What is this nine out of 10 Shit chase one point. Yeah, but I think what I can say about it is this is the nature of my question will follow. But I do know I This is true to this day. I do not have an experience of doing this list of 10 things and not feeling amazing even when some of the worst shit in my life was happening. If I, you know, get eight hours of sleep, eat clean, drink 64 ounces of water, meditate X, move my body every day. Uh, you know, have 01 glasses of alcohol and there's a couple of others will just like Ma for that spot. Seven. I have no experience of doing all of those things and not feeling great. So or and let's for everybody listening to say, Um, there's not There's feeling great. And there's also the experience of just suffering a little bit less. Yeah, and that's okay, too. Yeah, with that. Yeah. Beautiful. I love the way. Put that my question. This is also long needed. Boy, what's on your list? What time line? This is it. Those things. There's some different things. Like, because this is like what I love about this show is that we go, we cover a lot of ground. It's big ideas, and it's very tactical all the same time. Like you said, you can hold these things. That is, um yeah, that is conflicting ideas. So I have a list. But I also have a new lee developing way that I hold the list, which is so much more compassionate than it used to be. Good. This is like Daniel two point. Oh, So the list is I meditate on a regular basis, usually seven days a week, and sometimes that is sitting for 11 minutes and I have a particular thing. I dio Sometimes I can go off and really move into, like, a visualization practice for a long time. And I haven't alter that I sit in a sit in front of at home. But, I mean, just on the way here, I took the shuttle down and I was doing my stuff on the shuttle. Um, and I also work with some mantra. Sometimes I pray a lot, and my relationship to prayer has been shifting. I used to always be negotiating with the higher power like, Oh, do this. And I promise I'll serve. No, no, I were in concert here. This is team teamwork. I'm gonna ask, and I'm gonna believe sometimes I just have to imagine, but I'm gonna believe I'm worth having this per answered. Um, so those air my contemplative practices and I eat pretty clean. Um, not a lot that I can buy out of a low of the average grocery store. So farmers market and really intentional about that. And I move my body in a way that is about me being closer, toe the life source. So there's days to get on the treadmill and just run. And but mostly for me, that's yoga. There's zero come competition about it. If I get a tighter ass, it's a bonus. It's not the reason I'm doing it. Um, yeah. I dance. I dance in my living room I dance in my kitchen And I would say that my friends a religion. I mean, I'm really so aware that if you're not loving your national, really? I mean, just my friends scooped me out and lift me up. And the what I get from trying to do that for them is really the closest I feel. Toe life. In addition to loving my incredibly awesome 14 year old son. Um, but yeah, friendship. Friendship is a spiritual practice. I love that. What do you do to practice friendship? Oh, text obsessively. Um, always choose the friend over the deadline nine times out of 10. Choose the friend over the deadline and check in and there's always a couple questions like, How's your heart? You know, you can go hang out with your buddy in, like, cafe or whatever. 45 minutes go and you talk about life, but you don't really know how they're being is doing just like something you might just say. How are you really doing? And just listen and just lesson. Yeah, talk to me about deep positivity. Oh, God. Deep positive Because what you said is like a second ago. You like, don't be an asshole. Don't. And I just looked at my notes and it's a deep positive. Well, here's the thing. The idea, the concept of positive thinking in the New Age movement, I think is leading us astray. And it's the idea that you're gonna think positively no matter what's going on. And you know what that is? That's fucking denial. And it does not go to make you a stronger person. It's not gonna make you more creative. And it sets us up so that, you know, we're on the track for the goal and for the achievement. And it's like this. This is gonna work out the way I want it to work out. I'm gonna This is gonna happen. This is gonna happen. How many times does that happen? 50 50. You're going to get what you set out stick to get. So if you're not getting what you set out to get, then the comparison comes in starting to feel like a loser Fucking my shit together. But I still feel like a lizard. Deep positivity is that even if I do not get what I want, I will be OK. I will survive and I will thrive no matter what life has got my back love will come into I will still be a loving person no matter what and when you are from. This is a very difficult place to live from all the time. But when you're there Oh my God, Stuff can come to you That's less Mirotic. You sleep better, you're there's less grasping when there's less grasping. There's more generosity I have ah, the way that I have tried to capture that I think it's you just did. That may be the most eloquent explanation I've heard of it. The thing that I was like it was like life is happening for you, Not to you. Is that somewhat? Is that in line with what you're talking about? Her is at a different thing. I would say Let's take it one step further. Life is happening with me. I think I really need to show up for life. And maybe that's like some Catholic hangover Guilting ahead. I gotta work for it. Um, but yeah, I really I'm down with the teamwork idea. Interesting. And so is that showing up. That's the the teamwork part. Is that your That's my living your Is that your list? That's my list. And I would add to the list. I don't It's not essential for everybody. But on my list is like, I want to be of service, and I feel better when I'm generous. Yeah, And the reason I say it might not be on everybody's list is because I think, you know, some lifetimes you get a get out of jail card free and you can just live in your castle and and it's some of us just get easy lives. I mean, that's part of my belief system. And sometimes others are, you know, we're gonna work. Yeah. So I just put a pin in all that for a second. Okay, Now, this is a, um my hope here is that this helps the conversation. What do you feel like? You know, I'm gonna try and feed you your own medicine here. Okay? There are things that are going phenomenal for you. Clearly career wise, we just talked about the bountiful way that you approach to growth in your business and make Sherman's paid well. And what I'm interested in is not just all the fluff. Yeah, and that's all I'm like. That you're providing for those people that's going well is fantastic. I know the folks home was sitting there like they're comparing your highlight reel in this conversation you had with your nine plays nine female, one male and said, That's awesome. But that's not how it's going from me right now, because that's what we do in a comparative world, right? We say my highlight. My real world is getting compared constantly to Daniels highlight reel, cause that's all I know of Daniel's for, huh? Oh, you want to talk about the pain? I could talk about pain. I'm interested in talking. It will just, like, help us understand some things in your life that aren't going like you want them to and loaded in this questions. What are you doing about it or what? Do you just think about the neuroses? And now I'm gonna fix it. But what and how are you? How are you experiencing it? Maybe that's about it. Yeah, okay. And I just like I'm just looking for an anecdote or something here. Just so everyone at home knows that better ship. We all have our shit. Well, I have just come off of as of like, 48 hours ago, three days of intensive therapy where I just wept and shook and got stuff out. And that is how I do my work. I mean, I got a great book out of it, too, but that's my commitment to like to go. I don't want my subconscious wounds to be running my romantic life. It's very specifically, and everybody's everybody has unconscious and I want to know what's in there. And I want the love I want in the way that I want it. I want a fully show up. I don't want to project. So yeah, gut wrenching therapy, any specific sort of practice of therapy, like, is there? I just did a MDR. So, um, for those that don't know Oh, God, I forget what it stands for, But basically you're electromagnetic. No, it does not that, but it's signed movement, decent. Stow something. The idea is that you're going to affect your brain chemistry and really get stuff out that you don't want thought forms that you don't want and and re program yourself with the really empowering thought forms, and I highly recommend it to people. So e m d r find a good cmdr therapy. Yeah, so thank you for sharing that. Yeah, horrible. Let's talk about right now. There's someone out there. I'm just trying to put myself in the in the eyes and ears of our listeners and watchers. I'm like, Yeah, that sounds like really hard. And I have time for that right now. Yeah, well, you know what? Too bad. This is where the tough love comes in. You want to suffer you. You want to be riddled with anxiety. You want 1/2 asset in your relationships, you want to be lonely. Then don't do anything. Don't look within. Don't go to therapy. Don't meditate. Eat shit. Um, you're just going to continue to re traumatize and continue to induce pain like this takes work. It takes work. And it the joy on the other side of knowing that you can survive and thrive. And you still want to make a contribution. And you realize how, really, how you're gonna realize that you are fundamentally motivated, my kindness and it will change how you walk in the world and it will change your chemistry. And you will be really fucking sexy when you realize that. But do the work. So is that I'm gonna summarize. Okay, so there's a practicality to it. It's not just like it's not Just look, time does not heal all wounds. Consciousness heals the wounds. Yeah, and you gotta You gotta dig in there and examine what it means to forgive people in your life. You're going to get to the bedrock. We realize, forgive yourself for being in the wrong place, the wrong time and, yeah, do it. So can you give us a hint on the book? Could you just that that therapy in court, I think clearly the title for the next book is things I do when I'm in pain. Things I do when I'm in pain. I wonder if, like, Well, I think that's the secret to a successful book. Right? Is you could get something. You grab someone as they're walking by the books. Of course, people will talk about it, but also like what people were saying when they read That title is I have a little bit of pain. I'm carrying around. Yeah. Is that is that? Ah, untold truth. No, I think that's the truth. I think two things are happening. Pleasure and pain, but were either really intentionally trying to get home and feel connection and communion or we're trying to get out of our suffering and they're both, like, super related does explain suffering because I think, you know, it's sort of the Buddhist senses. We're all suffering and we need to find a way. Go ahead. Well, it's one of the four noble truths that there is suffering. Um, I forget the other two, but another my noble truth is that it doesn't have to be this way. And this is why I'm not a Buddhist. Former, guilty Catholic. I mean, just when I lived in Seattle years ago, I was going Teoh I forget, but of a passion a center here. And the instructor said to me how how are you feeling? Is like my mind feels more empty, but so does my heart. And it just wasn't there wasn't gonna work for I just more into, like the cosmic Christ eyes went I'll be about love. Um, suffering. I I don't know. I mean, I'm still trying to answer the question for myself. If suffering is essential for growth, and I think the answer is probably yes, but I'm going to stay in denial about it. My friend is a start, a guy, and he's a dear friend way. He won the America's Cup. Just type a hard charging athlete. Great serve guy is like he's just had this little wisdom is like a 10 D was like attendees. This, like some sounded like an African aphorism that I should know. He's like, No, no, it's important things I'm not doing yet. I've acknowledged that they're important. I'm going to get to them. They're on my list and like you can only do so many things. And I just I thought it was beautiful because it's like you have to acknowledge those things and you have to acknowledge that important. You can't tackle all the world's problems, but I digress. It's right back to you in suffering well, trust me. Trying to be being outside of white indie and tackle all the world's problems was causing me huge suffering. And I mean the stuff that's been going on the last two years in the US and you know everything is falling apart because it has to, um, structures need to come down. So I take some solace in that. But, you know, I just had a friend say, You know, Daniel, you can't save every fish in the ocean in every plastic bottle. And I was like, Hey, hey, didn't surprise about this cause and I need to raise money for this, and I'm in a different place right now. I'm considering two things. I'm considering seeking less, being less, being less of a seeker and more here. I don't know what that means yet, but, um, I might just try, like just living on just really being present and that being my service And also and even this phrase has made me just like rile before. I think I might try staying in my lane and just really you know, for years I've been preaching about you be yourself an authenticity, but I'm getting it on a deeper level like this is what I do best. And it turns out that what I do best brings me joy. Oh, so maybe me being joyful, maybe me moving towards just the joy projects is really how I could make the most impact and that there is no I don't need to accommodate suffering in that at all. It's taken a while chase, but I think I'm there. Well, let's pull on that. That like, is that a does that underpin? Like the way I talk about it and very British. This is maybe sort of male under bite concept here, but, like, do you mean the dude speed? Okay, you got two jobs. Job One is Find out what you love. And job two is to do that thing. Yes. And can you harmonize what I just said with what you like, Stay in your lane and know you're so is it is it Know thy self is that we're really getting all this like, I think it's like myself. I think know thy self in love What? You know, because I've been doing what I love for a long time, but with this guilt complex that it could always b'more it wasn't for me. It wasn't just about more money or more clicks. It was always like, Who else can I help and save? And I've messed up lots of times and have been unhelpful and and said things that have hurt people. But just, you know, there's that scene at the end of of Schindler's List. I am not comparing myself toe Oscar Schindler, but you know, for those of the people who haven't seen the movie, he saved hundreds and hundreds of people from the gas chambers from the Jewish people. And at the end, he and he did it by selling pieces of jewelry and false documentation. And he's almost driving himself mad with his devotion to serve. And he's just says, I just couldn't if I just did a one I one more person. And when I saw that, that was aspirational for me. But I missed the insanity part of that. And now that's a completely different situation. We're talking about something absolutely, purely horrific. I'm just trying to inspire people on Instagram, you know? But I think I've had some unhealthy madness around that that is all about some wound wanted me. Love wanted me. So I'm gonna make myself useful. And I'm useful. If I am joyful, I am being of service. Got it? How do you find joy? Ah, this is joyful for me. Like a really conversation um I like looking for stuff and telling people what I found knowing that hope, praying that it might alleviate some suffering and it might inspire some kindness. And, uh, you know, I'm about this is immediate joy for me. I'm about to lock myself in a hotel room for three days and figure out what my next thing is. And I tell you, high room service and just making notes. Uh, and then we're gonna make it all beautiful and not put it on Facebook book. That's eyes everything. I don't know. I mean, my assignment right now from my team is, uh please only do what you love, because if you don't, we have to pivot, and it costs us money. Got it. Okay. Uh, wow. Eso just be inspired. Danielle, don't drive us crazy. And I was like, Well, isn't it was a book, or if it's gonna be online, program is gonna be a course. We should do something creative life, and they're just like you just go be pure. We'll figure out how to monetize it and how that's what I'm gonna do is that your normal, uh, methodology from this is that this is a bit of a changeup so normally, because I cannot separate entrepreneurship from artistry. I love the game. I love the publishing game. I do love the metrics as unattached to them as I try to be. Um, normally I like to see the package. This is very new for me. Just like this is in me and it's it's been baking. And I mean, I'm about to write about my pain. I don't know, I don't know. That's of course, I e cigarettes all weekend. Look, what was the working title. The working title is Things I do when I'm in pain. Would you buy that book? What? Talking about faux freedoms? 04 freedoms. When I got to say about full freedoms, Um, this happens a lot. Let's talk. All right, let's talk burning, man. Although I've never been to Burning Man, Um, get free. Let your inner child is be more tahn Trick. Tap your deep sexuality. Let's get making Let's Greece up. Let's get each other often this workshop. You know that's not freedom for everybody, but because this is that there's this conversation around sovereignty and sexual freedom, and it's well packaged, and it's all filtered, then My experience is there's a lot of women who are on the personal development path who feel like prudes. In contrast to that, that particular kind of freedom conversation and no fucking way is a form of liberation. Say, I am not going to dance in this circle. I don't feel safe. I'm not going to drop my pants in this community with somebody I don't even know because you're telling me that I'm repressed? No. So, yeah, that comes from And is it just in the sexual arena? And is it just for women are in your world this four freedoms Does it expand? Like if there's a cultural sort of someone like there's, like a cultural narrative that's saying we've discovered gold? And if you're not chasing that goal over here than you're not involved, Yeah, and I think the full freedom comes in the pressure to share a lot in personal development settings. Listen, you're listen, chase. I'm listening. You got my full attention and thousands of people how a lot of the self help stuff is being presented. And, you know, it might not be the best thing for you to share your deepest darkest secrets and your stories of sexual abuse or infidelity or whatever it is in a ballroom under fluorescent lights with a bunch of strangers, I think that could be re traumatising and and freshly traumatizing to some people. And there's a lot of ogre ish patriarchal, um, lording that's happening in those situations. And we're losing a sense of the sacred that some of those things are meant to be shared with. Someone is gonna walk the journey with you. They're, ah, skilled psychotherapist or their your just your best friend who loves you no matter what. And that prodding I have a real problem with doesn't mean you can't have an amazing breakthrough. And I've been a lot of those workshops, and the CEO stands up and said, balls his eyes out and he's shaking, says my mother never told me she loved me and that that reconstitutes his brain chemistry. It's just not for everybody, and we need to leave space for that is the white hot truth. Just the thing that we are all this sort of awareness might not be making this better. Yeah, yeah, the white hot shoes. I mean, really, I should have I would re title the book cause you know, I want to rewrite or burn everything it would have been. You are your own guru and that's the message. That's the path Nobody can predict the future. Your body knows if it's a yes or no, you have a capacity of snow if it's a yes or no and it's 50 50 whether you're going to get it right or not. So just follow your own heart and build that agency. Yeah, I want to make my own mistakes, do what somebody else told me and fuck it up. I want toe talking from my own way. So I'm obsessed with intuition and following the gut. And I only have really strong experiences of it not going well when I listen to other people and even if I follow your point that you just made, even if I fall on my tuition intuition and I fuck it up, it doesn't feel like a fuck up. It feels like it was supposed to happen a stepping stone versus when I follow someone else's things and I fucking out like I knew better. Is this normal? This is I feel like I'm I'm alone in this, but is this so normal? I think we learned through contrast. So you got to do that. And I mean, this gets in the hero's journey stuff, right? Like the hero always believes a lie. And here, like there's some There's always, like, false information planted on the journey. And that's the rub. We go. I know I won't do that again. And we do it three more times. Uh um, can we talk about some? Go back to you more personally? Sure. Thank you for sharing some trauma with us just a little bit ago. Let's talk about some just tactics. We talked about some of the meditation have us that you have. Um, what is the morning look like for you? Morning. While I've recently become a morning person so on purpose because you thought it was more virtuous because I met a dude like, yo, I'm getting up at five. So, you know, kind of, um and I was inspired by the way he was living his mornings, and I was like, Yeah, there's something to this. I'd always been a night person, but now I get It's almost like reverse psychology. If I get up early. Now I feel like it's late, so I'm gonna get a lot of stuff done. Um, Tactical morning. So I'm now just work. I don't start work until 10 a.m. And it used to be that I just noticed as a pattern I was not getting to my desk until 10 a.m. But the guilt I was having for not getting there until 10 was ridiculous. As, like, why don't I just declare it my natural? So by the time I do all my stuff and maybe do a couple laps around the lake or walk with my kid to school, um, it always ends up being like around 10. So that's when I start. And I'm so excited to do my thing. I run up my stairs and, um, what was the question? No, it's just like, What's the morning? What is? That's the morning. Yeah, there's always music. Music so knows has been revolutionary in my life. All I wanted when I was got, you know, so called enough success to be able to afford a few things with a hot tub and surround sound. It sounds like some bad disco party but together is very potent. Great. Yeah. Music. Immediately. Immediately. Yeah, Like what time did you wake up this morning and listen to Well, I always This is super Woo. I always have particular mantra is playing in one room of the house 24 7 Like if I If I leave the house for two weeks, there is a mantra. Playing it is like baking the air with sonic awesomeness. But then in the other rooms I got the new Hosher is out. Amazing, Beautiful. Nat King Cole was going on. Greta Van Fleet is really big in her house right now. The killer is Florence. The machine? Yeah. Wow. Okay, So, music, that's the morning. I get it. You start work about 10. Yeah, um, you talk about even clean. Can you Are you prescriptive about that as it vegetarian is a vegan? Is that protein? Is it car visit like or Yeah, just just like this is like a speed round here. Yeah, mostly plant based. And I feel really guilty cause ritual is a friend and I'm just like, Oh, I'm not a vegan yet And I have the conversation about vegetarianism with everybody I can I'm just like, What about the guilt and humane killing? And I right now I'm a vegetarian, but I may could change any day. So is that philosophical or is it scientific for you and your gut? Let's see above. I mean, it's about food production and food security. I mean, as Paul McCartney puts it, If I think he under wrote a documentary called If Slaughterhouses Had Glass Walls, If we saw how our meat was produced, we might not be so down with it. Um, it's bad for the animals. Uh, then it's not great in terms of If you consider yourself an environmentalist, you would not be consuming meat all. So all those reasons. Got it? Yep, Evening routine. Was it feel like, Well, this is used to be a night person. You're kind of like a rolling back a little bit. Part of being a morning person is like having two days and one. So I really like that shut down phase now where it's like dinner is wrapped and you're really moving towards the slowdown. So for me, that's you know, the kids on guitar or it's texting with somebody, and, um, it's maybe a documentary. Bathing is a big part of my life, like the hot tub in salt baths and essential oils. And it's very intentional and ritualistic and there's usually some light thing. I do prayer before I go to sleep. Really. I mean, we're rocking until I have to say, We gotta hit the sack like music. It's basically a rock show in my house. Wow, Can I confess? Yeah, I'm a huge, like hot water, cold water person live water, less bats like I do think psalter of Incredible. But I end up just like hot and cold water, since it's I've kind of been passionate for about five years, but most recently in my home here in Seattle. Had a cold plunge. Does have a hot tub and a form hard cores. Awesome. What does it do for you? Um, I do it every morning, every morning. Well, just as an example, I kinda a.m. flight not too long ago. So that's up at four in the cold plunge at 4 15 uber for 45 to be at the airport at 5 15 for a six clock flight. I I'm impressed. Not all the time, but That's OK. Nine out of 10 days. If I'm in Seattle, I will be in that freaking cold plunge. I have had to break ice. It's outside, so I have literally had to break ice. You get my heels a good icebreaking tool to get into the cold lunch. And I love it. It's passionate. So, um, it has I feel like it is a, um I had this experience today. Um, I feel like you're my therapist right now. Tell me. Tell me, um, and I reminded you out it, um I don't like going on in my brain, but my brain was very active because you're interviewing me today? Sure. Nascar's conversations going feels so forced. Um, no, I just was, You know, I had a head full of Yes, this morning. Cold water. 30 seconds. I do a dunk. And then I stepped on my chin for at least 30 seconds, sometimes five minutes and beautiful. It was It is euphoric. It is sort of cleansing. I feel like it's it is, uh makes me like a cave man. Yeah, in a super good way. Just simple, primal like And what he was like, Oh, my God. It's so cold. I actually I usually mention contrast. So I get 105 degree water first and then I do this. And when I get out, it is like this outside. Doesn't matter what time of year could be 25 degrees important rain or snow, I guess. What happened? It is 25 degrees and that's not in Canada. 25. This is the US 25. Yes, I feel warm. I felt comfortable because cold water is cooled and when you get out, it is just I feel invigorated. So I'm curious about the bath because the bath what? What? I want to talk about what happens for either. So there's all this physiological stuff that happens. I mean, we know in your brain and transit that well, you're firing right? But what I've learned with personal development stuff is that the times where I've been saying some state of suffering, which can range from something really trying, has happened to like I just woke up feeling a little funky if I can push myself in some physical way. In moments of suffering emotional suffering, there were it's like exponential benefit. So, you know, like just referencing. I just did the three day intense. They're bluffing and car every day and work on my shit. And I have this opportunity, like, go up. Ah, whole lot of feet on this mountain when I was exact Let's go. And this is a kundalini. Yoga is great for this. Like, you know, right now I'm doing, like, days of, like, 108 frogs. Well, just you just burn the shit off. And when I got fired for my own company, a friend call, I said, like, my own lawyer has just threatened to sue me because I got can, um I was losing it. And she's like, You need to go when you're living room, do some kundalini yoga right now. And that changed my life in my relationship to physical endurance and emotional suffering. Wow. I should just get cold punch. It's way cheaper ways here. What? I found out that there is actually a I had to have to. This is This might make it easier for folks at home like, Oh, my God, it sounds fancy. Hot tubs kind of fancy. Yeah, I can acknowledge that. Said someone like a rubber Put your ass in a Rubbermaid is mine is It's fancy, but it doesn't have its own set of pool equipment. So because I didn't have any place to put it in my house. And but it is nonetheless is concrete. It stays very cold. It's very underground. Water come from underground. There's a bunch of other things that I did in. I split. I split home, have a home here, and homemade sandwiches go in. San Francisco equals cold shower. So you don't have to have all this stuff. It's not about stuff, but I do find it like there's this sacred sort of feeling about now. I'm doing my cold things for me, and it makes you feel good. So cold showers work, too. Yeah, I send the face too. Great, ladies. Great for the skin. Other. Give me a handful of other things that you do that people would be surprised to know about you. Like ice on the face, Ice on the face. Um, I ingest essential oils. So not just defusing them are smelling them key ones. I actually sibling. Really? Wow. And you just get the hit. Is that something that you need to have a prescription? for Is that a doctor advised, Like you could just gobble down more drops of frankincense. And what else? You? Well, yeah. Um well, what other things? I pivot before I get out of my car or I am on the phone. So I always have a moment to myself. Like, why am I getting out? What is? What's my intention? When I might doing so, I set in moments through my day that I have declared his pivot moments to just be present. I think don't just get out. Like when you touch a door knob or when you hear a bell ring or yeah, those things that Yeah, those good examples or I give thanks as soon as I walk into my home. Thank you, everybody. All the great spirits who are here who support me. I mean, I really treat my home like it's a temple. Um, I pay very close attention to like, the new moon. I make my wishes. I only write in pencil. Um, the only write in pencil. I only write in pencil. Yeah. Wow. What about checks? Signing? Signing many checks. And that was the last time you had a shack. Did you get your checkbook. And I was like, Someone has a checkbook. I want to see one of these things. I haven't seen a cheque books. It's like, 87. Um, I'm very into batch ing my time. So if I'm gonna create, there cannot be one phone call that day. Not one. I don't want to interact with the human race at all, So I need to have I mean, ideally, I have three days a week like that that are unscheduled, and then I'll Batch, you know, I'll do for podcasting. Yeah, but I got kids and I got a mortgage and I got I don't can't have three days. Yeah, well, we'll help me, then. 24 hours will rock your world. Do what you can do what you can do what you can with what you have. Yeah, last one any. Like, I'm just looking for the cure. Yeah. People want a silver bullet, and it's my goal with this show. And in part, creativelive like it's There's no magic cure. Yeah, but But there is. There's been something in your life that has been somewhat of a catapult. It's been a game changer. It's been I don't want to be like list. The cliche terms one after another, but there's been something and not is not a silver bullet, But something has had transformative effect on you. That's what in part we're all searching for is either, even if it's been. My transformational thing is to realize that I'm okay right now. And then whatever the thing is, I didn't wanna Just trying to give you the range of whatever you say it is is going to be just fine. Answer. But there's been something, and if you can look, we can only connect the dots looking backwards. Look backwards for me right now, OK? What's been something that's made a ton of difference in your life, a ton of difference in my life. Just declaring that I'm a loving person. Even if I fuck up, I'm fundamentally, mostly a loving person, and that gives me so much courage to show up and so much, um, padding When when the world is cruel and I just believe that I'm good and get me by yeah, no better way to end. I've got to stop their best ending to the show I could possibly fathom. Put a pit? No, honestly, thank you so much for being so vulnerable and sharing so much. And congratulations on we're looking for this new book about pain. Yeah, we'll see if it happens. Yeah, it's stunning. Thank you so much for sharing and everything. Each member, the Today show notes, all that stuff broke. A pilot will share everything. So what's the best place you'll find you? Daniella port dot com Center of my universe Is instagram at Daniel the port. If I'm still there tomorrow when you'll be locked in a hotel room for three days. Thank you so much for being a part of show. And gentlemen, please give a shot on a social follower. Pay attention. Which you doing? She's been changing my life and lives of so many. And I hope you have a great day. I look for you tomorrow. I'll be here. Hope you will be too