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Paradigms

These three invisible structures are gonna be the ones we're going over today, and they all go into various depths, right? Each one is a different layer of depth. So, a paradigm is the belief level. So the paradigm is the broadest level of invisible structure. Pendulums are second down, and these are essentially the emotions, right? And they're more specific, and they're more polarized. And programs are the most granular, and they have to do with our behaviors. And so as entrepreneurs it's paramount that we remain aware of these structures as we continue on, because they're operating at all times, and you might even have a tendency to look at these as I'm talking about these and say oh I don't see any of these in my life. But, if you don't see any of these, that's why they're called invisible structures. So, there'll never be a time when they're not there. They're always there. So let's talk about paradigms. Bum, bum, bum. Okay, so, paradigms are cognitive frameworks of mutually held b...

eliefs shared by members of a culture, or group of people. So I'll say that again. Paradigms are cognitive frameworks of mutually held beliefs shared by members of a culture or group of people. And usually these are the things, these are almost like the invisible lines that we stay inside without questioning why. These are the lines that we don't cross. That our parents tell us not to cross. That we're scared to cross. We don't really understand why, but we know they exist. And a lot of times, these paradigms take the form of the words should or shouldn't. So for example, you shouldn't smoke weed, shouldn't do that. You should get married by 30. You know, you should get divorced by 35. (Daniel chuckles) (audience chuckles) You know, you should go to college and get a degree. These are all these shoulds, and a lot of these were installed. Can anyone think of some ideas, like shoulds or shouldn'ts that we've been given since the earliest that we can remember that dictate the lines that we stay in. I'm curious to hear what everyone's are. I always had this, it was like a minimum amount of money that I needed to make in order to be successful, and it was like 50, 60 grand. Yeah. Yeah If I made it there, then like that pushed me into the success. Since I was little. Yeah, I should make at least this much money, and that's success. Yeah, that's a really good one. That's a huge one. What other ones? Things you should do, things you shouldn't do. [Male Audience Member] I think for me was just talking about money. If you're like, no you shouldn't talk about it. Oh, you shouldn't even talk about money? Yeah, my family has something like that too where there's just this weird thing of like, oh we don't discuss money. I'm like, why? You know? Just 'cause we don't, we shouldn't. What are others ones? Sharing is caring. Yeah, sharing is caring. Or, if you care, you should share. [Male Audience Member] And if you have something, you're obligated to share it with other people. Yeah, is that growing up in your family? Did you have that? [Male Audience Member] Uh, no, but I mean, (audience laughs) we hear it from a young age. You know, sharing is caring. It's true, yeah. [Male Audience Member] you have to share with other people. Yeah, it's so true. I mean, or you know, if you're eating candy, you should have brought some for the class. Why, it's mine? [Male Audience Member] It's my candy. My candy. Yeah, what are some other ones? These are simple ones, some of them are funny some of them are simple. Yeah. So, growing up my family is West Indian, and a big thing for us was like, you should be a doctor or a lawyer, Mhm, mhm. or go for a very traditional job like that. So, that's a big one. That's a huge one. Anyone have careers they can relate to on that? You should do this, you should do that. Doctor or lawyer, engineer. Something respectable. Something that's guaranteed to make money. For me was you should have a secure job. Like an eight to five job. Yeah. Because that's security, and you're gonna get insurance and you're gonna be able to report and blah, blah, blah, but I don't feel like that's for me. Yep. So, I felt like a failure sometimes. Yep, yeah. You know, like I felt like why am I different? Why can't I do that? And I just didn't want to. I didn't feel right, but now I'm getting into the rhythm that it's okay to be me. Yeah. (woman chuckles) Right? Yeah. and those are things that we don't even question, right? Like our parents tell us, or our families tell us, what we should and shouldn't do. We don't even question stepping outside those beliefs because they're just pre-installed, right? That's why they're called paradigms. Any other ones? [Female Audience Member] You should look a certain way. You should look a certain way. This is a huge one. Instagram is crushing us with this one. It's literally crushing us with this one. Both men and women, I think with men on Instagram, especially if you're stuck in entrepreneur side of Instagram, it's like you should have this car, you should make this much money, you should, you know, you should be waking up at this time, you should dating this type of woman. All while being this carefree, you should be this carefree You should be this happy. You know, with women it's you should look like this, your butt should look like this, your boobs should look like this, your hair should look like this, you should just be drinking Skinny Tea and fasting. Even, you should be on social media. That's one right there, you should be on that. If someone says "oh, I don't have Instagram" you're like "you don't have Instagram? "What do you mean you don't have Instagram? "You should have that, it's good, everyone has that." You know? These are all these shoulds. So these are frameworks that kind of we all fall into many of them before birth. Let's go to the board for a minute. This is a really cool diagram I want to show you guys. It really illustrates this point. So, let's see here. Okay, so this is a puzzle and it's all about lateral thinking. So imagine that you have these nine dots. Right? You guys like my dots? Pretty good, huh? (audience chuckles) Pretty good. All right? So a lot of us operate in a context where we're living inside of the box. And again, the paradigm is living inside of a box with imaginary lines that we don't even know exist but we don't pass, we don't cross. So, imagine I said to you, well, you know, connect these dots using only four lines. What would be the most obvious way to connect these dots? You know, like, so you can't connect the dots, there's always one missing right there. What about, let's try another one. So connect these dots, make this paradigm work, make this life work, connect all the dots using the tools that you have. Okay, well maybe I can go like this and like this and like this and maybe like that. Now there's two not connected. Okay. Some other ways to go. Maybe I'll start here, I'll go here, I'll go here. No. Within the context of this box, there's no way to make those dots connect with the lines. A lot of us are operating in a box like this in our lives. But what we don't realize is that paradigms in and of themselves are false boxes. See, we look at these dots and we say, "well, because they're shaped like this "I have to operate in a way that fulfills that obligation." Right? But no one said that you can't go outside the lines. Right? You can connect all those dots, but you have to make your own rules up. Right? We see these dots and we think, well there's no way to do it. Until you realize that everything that you've been living inside of is a paradigm that you didn't have a part constructing. Right? These dots represent your ability to think outside of what you think is possible and realize that the things that we pay attention to are oftentimes just the structures of society as we know it. But not as it could be if we stepped into a new paradigm. That's literally thinking outside the box, right? That's kind of what they mean, you know? Thinking outside of that box. And that brings us to what's called the Universal Human Paradigms. We talked about these paradigms for like, you should eat this type of food, you should dress this certain way, you should go to school, you should have this type of job, these are all paradigms and they're overarching, and also they'll change, culturally. They'll change by society, they'll change by individual preference, but there's a lot of shoulds that we are operating off of. But the Universal Human Paradigm is what's called a master paradigm and it's the blueprint through which all other blueprints are filtered. It's, if you look at the other paradigms we just discussed, it's the paradigm on top of that. It's the granddaddy. It's the big ol' boy of the paradigms. And basically, because you're living inside of the Universal Human Paradigm, you are quite literally living inside of the dot puzzle. Right? That we just talked about, that we just showed you. And by living inside of that dot puzzle, essentially what you're doing with your life is you're trying to connect these dots and every time you try to connect the dots, there's always one or two that remained unconnected. So you'll say all right, well, I'll just get this job, and then I'll finally feel happy. And then you get the job and you're like, oh man, but there's this thing over here, like I've gotta have this relationship now. So you go over here and you say, oh man I gotta have this now, I gotta have kids now. Then I gotta have kids and you're like, well now I can't wait for them to get out of the house so I can finally be free again. So you're finally free again and you say now I'm bored. You know, so you're like now I gotta, well now I'm having a mid-life crisis and I gotta go get a new car. You know, so you're always moving around trying to connect these new dots and there's always one that's being unfulfilled. There's always one that doesn't get crossed off because we're living inside of this Universal Human Paradigm. We always think, you know, as soon as I get this I can relax. And then we get that thing and what happens? We can't relax. 'Cause there's always something else, there's always something more. And so the Universal Human Paradigm explains why this happens. Is this starting to click and resonate with you guys? Have you guys felt like this before where you finally get the thing that you want and it's not the thing that you thought it would be? You know? Totally like that, totally like that. The Universal Human Paradigm states that there is a way things should be and when they are that way, things are right. And when they're not that way, there's something that's wrong with either me, who's the interpreter, with them, with other people, or with it, which is anything in the world. And I want you to really take a second to internalize this. 'Cause it's kind of a weird concept, okay? Because everyone feels as if there is a way things should be in life. But this paradigm, this Universal Human Paradigm says that there is no way that things should or shouldn't be. There is just the way that events are. And the way that we perceive them and the way that we color them in our own mind creates the response to them and it creates the, basically the filter through which we see the world. And as long as we think that things should or shouldn't be a certain way, we'll constantly be unfulfilled and unsatisfied with the results we do get because there's always a way that things should be and most of the time, if things don't go that way, it's a problem. So we're constantly creating problems for ourself. In fact, the UHP is a sure way to create a constant amount of suffering. This context creates suffering. And by playing into this game that things should be a certain way, we're essentially creating a limited view of the world where the only way we're going to survive is if things go right. And how many of us have had things go wrong in life? Right? If you're operating in a context where if things go wrong, you're gonna be destroyed, then you're gonna constantly be destroyed throughout your life. If you're operating from a context where things have to go right, and things have to go the way they should, Then you're setting yourself up to live in a life of struggle because inevitably things will not necessarily go as they should because there is no way things should go or shouldn't go. There's only the way that things do go. Your opinion of how things should go is simply that, your opinion. If you lose your job. That shouldn't have happened. Says who? Says you? Well the company thought it should have. Right? There's always these opposing sides of what should and shouldn't happen. Of course we're on our own side so we're gonna think that the way that we want things is the way they should be. But until you start seeing things not as they should or shouldn't be but as they are, it's impossible for you to live in life without struggle. Right? The Universal Human Paradigm, which we have learned from our childhood onwards, hamstrings us in ways that affect our fundamental ability to create the impossible. It hamstrings our ability to create the impossible. And think about it like this, we've been talking about pushing past our barriers, pushing past ourselves into the unknown. If you're so sure of the way things should go, that's the known. Right? Even talking about the physical exertion again, if you think I shouldn't feel this tired, well then you're never gonna be able to get to peak physical experience because you're operating in the context of should. You know, if you think to yourself, I shouldn't have to work this hard, well then you're not gonna be able to push yourself to the next level because you're operating in the context of should. You're setting yourself up in a way that hamstrings you from the ability to become a bigger version of yourself. If you're operating in this binary context. Once you see life as it is, then you can operate from a place of independence and make decisions based on how things are, not how they should or shouldn't be. You know, and at the end of the day, you can have something bad happen to you and go, it shouldn't have happened like this, it shouldn't have happened like this, it shouldn't have happened like this. But that doesn't affect the situation at all. Unfortunately. You know? If that were enough, then we'd all have things exactly as we want them. But we don't. When my grandmother died, I was laying on the bathroom floor sobbing my eyes out saying this shouldn't have happened it shouldn't have happened, it shouldn't have happened. But that didn't affect what actually had happened. And I had to come to terms with the fact that things happened as they had and I had to then find the strength within myself to become more powerful overcoming the situation that could have destroyed me if I still thought this shouldn't have happened. And how many people do we know in our lives who have had a traumatic experience happen to them, who have had something bad happen to them and to this day, could me months, years, decades later, they're still upset, they're still emotionally impacted, they're still saying it shouldn't have happened like this. And that creates the context through which they live their lives. Right? They don't see things for as they are, they see what should or shouldn't have happened and it makes it hard for them to carry on. And this is the paradigm that is, it's invisible, it's highly malicious, and it doesn't really exist. And, you know, as a fun example, you know, when I was just starting off my entrepreneurial journey and I transitioned from doing freelancing and consulting to doing online stuff, doing online work, I thought there was a way that you should operate online. There's a way that you should promote yourself as an internet entrepreneur guy, and so, well actually I shot a really funny video that's gonna hopefully make you laugh and this is me thinking about how I should be acting as an internet marketer. (Daniel breathes deeply) (upbeat music) Hey guys, I'm Daniel DiPiazza and the founder of Rich20Something where we teach you 20 somethings how to take what you have in your head, okay, your knowledge, your passion, your hobbies, your experience, and package it into products that can help a lot of other people and also make you a lot of money which will give you more time to do the things that you want to do in your life. Okay? So, let me ask you the question, okay? If you're in your 20s, how many times have you felt like you have all these ambitions and you have- So, you know, this I graciously cut it off for you. (audience chuckles) The reason that I did this video, and there's, you know, there's nothing too wrong with it, it's just me getting my chops in, my practice in, or whatever. Energy is probably a little bit uncalibrated, (audience laughs) it looks a little weird, I don't know, I can't really explain what was happening. But I can tell you actually what was happening though. I had watched a bunch of videos, there's guys like Brendon Burchard and different internet marketers who are out there who have like these different designs and the whiteboard and they have all this crazy energy, and I'm like oh, well if you're an internet marketer this is what you do. You make these designs on the whiteboard, you scream into the camera and my paradigm is internet marketers do this. Right? And so I thought there was a way it should be. And because of me thinking it should be some way that's what I became and it wasn't until I realized that there's nothing that it should or shouldn't be, it should just be me that I was able to step into who I was actually wanting to be and that's when I started to become more successful. Right? When I discarded what I thought I should be and just became who I was then it started to work better. And I didn't really make the connection until years later when I'm like, oh I was stuck in a paradigm of this is how it should be. There's no one to say that that's how it should be, that's just what I saw on the outside. And so, (Daniel laughs) You have to just move beyond the paradigm. Right? And there's, you know, with things like paradigms there isn't like a here's three quick tips for escaping the paradigm. Like, you live inside of it. So it's very difficult to just up and leave the paradigm because you exist in it. And even though you might understand it conceptually, it's pretty hard to say I will no longer live in a life of shoulds or shouldn'ts because you're gonna feel that at various times in your life. But, there are three declarations that you can make which will make it easier for you to overcome the urge to constantly focus on what should or shouldn't be happening. And the first thing is you have to declare that what's possible is what you say is possible. Oftentimes we don't even believe that what we want to achieve is actually possible. And so we have to reframe the way that we're thinking about our lives and say I'm not defined by what's happened in the past, in my own past or by other people. What's possible for me is what I say is possible. Okay, that's the first thing. What's possible is what I say is possible. Second declaration is what I am is the stand that I take. You have to be willing to take a stand for what it is that you believe in. And so for me, in this last example I hadn't yet learned to take a stand for the beliefs that were important to me. In fact, you know, a couple years ago I would have been afraid to even make a joke about me smoking weed online because I would have though that that would have meant that, you know, I shouldn't do that, and that would have meant that people would look down on me and I would lose support and things would crumble and maybe in 1950 that would be real, but that's not where we're at right now, I mean it's 2000 damn near 20 and I'm on CreativeLive I can say what I want, you know? To an extent. (audience laughs) But I'm taking a stand now for who I am and what I'm about and that again creates the ability for me to step outside this paradigm and say it's not what should or shouldn't happen it's the stand that I'm taking. It's who I'm being by the things I'm committing to. And the third thing is, just, again, reaffirming the fact that there is no should or shouldn't. It's just things as they are. So, again. What is possible is what I say is possible. Who I am is the stand I take. And there is no should or shouldn't, it's just the way that things are. When someone's going through a difficult time, and you're trying to comfort them, it doesn't normally help to say well there is no should or shouldn't, it's just the way it is the way it is. You know? Sometimes that doesn't comfort people. But after they've calmed down from the emotional element of going through whatever they're going through, you can explain this to them in a way that helps them to cope with an issue rather than be destroyed by the things that they think they should or shouldn't be doing. And I also want to note too that a lot of us are coming into our own here and, you know, I just turned 30 and my parents are still fairly young and they're learning too, they're developing themselves as well. And I have found that sharing these things with people who are older than me who are supposed to be more developed has helped them a great deal. Just because they're older than you doesn't mean that they know everything or that they've even taken the time to develop themselves in the ways that you've developing yourselves. Because, I mean, look at, you guys are actively looking for ways to change your thinking, and a lot of people, in our parents and our grandparents generation, it isn't that they're not interested, it's that they didn't have access to the tools. They're not here, they don't understand the flow of information that's happening nowadays, and so they don't even have the- It's not that they don't have the willingness, they don't have necessarily the tools to be able to create these changes and so it's on you then to take these things you're learning throughout today and throughout the rest of your life and bring these to your people. And it doesn't, again, mean forcing it on them. It just means, you know, if they're going through something you can share little nuggets with them and just let it sit. Don't pressure them in saying, do you get what I'm saying? You get what I'm saying? You see how that works for you? Get it, get it, get it? You know? It's just more like sharing these little nuggets. And I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed seeing the changes just even in my parents from just sharing some of these things like this. And I find myself sometimes in the car, like on a coaching call with my mom. I'm like, well, you know, it's just the Universal Human Paradigm again. And, you know, it sounds corny but like she is starting to really dig it and she's starting to understand it. And especially as you get older too, at least in some families I'm noticing for me as I'm now in my thirties and my parents respect me not just as their child but also as an adult with my own set of experiences and ideas and they respect what I've come to say even though they might not always agree or they might not have taught me that themselves. A lot of parents will have trouble acknowledging a point that you make if it doesn't come from something that they taught you, but the more progressive people and those who are really looking to learn will take a point into consideration even if they weren't the ones to give it to you and they'll really learn from it. And so don't be afraid to share the things you're learning with people that you care about. Even if they were the ones who raised you.