The Keys to the Kingdom of You in Relationships
You actually have everything you need right now to be a relationship superstar. You really do, you could leave here like a freaking magician. You could impact every relationship in your life in a way and start to weave a rich tapestry of who you really are for people. And you could do it by just walking out that door, getting on your phone, and texting somebody you've been resenting or angry about and saying, "You know what, this is nonsense I love you. "I need to cut this out." And letting go of all your justifications. And I know there's people in your life who have done shitty things. I know that. So what? You're gonna use that to then like impact your experience yourself? Really? That ain't worth it. It's not worth it. It doesn't mean you say, "I give people (mumbles) "just to walk all over me." I don't mean that. What I am saying is you don't get to say how I am. It's not up to you. You don't get to say whether I'm loving or not. You don't get to say whether I'm connected or compa...
ssionate. You don't get to do that. You gotta do it yourself. Here's the deal, I'm a loving man. Or I'm a loving woman. Or I'm a joyful woman. And that I'm making that my business. So when add then this new awareness of how you abandon your relationship you have this big, fat thing in the room called 'choice', 'cause you know how you're wired, and you know how you'll abandon it. But it's gonna take effort from you to change those situations. So there's guy called Evan Thompson at the University of British Columbia. He noted something that's been proved by many neuroscientists, that is that the brain and body is in constant flux. So there's nothing in you, at all, anywhere, that corresponds to a non-changing self. You guys get that what I'm saying right now? So you relate to yourself like you're a thing? Yeah, everything a neuroscience says, "You're not finding it." Like there's not a you. There's no place in your physiology where you exist. You persist in your unchanging ways of being and acting. That's where you persist. You persist in the same thoughts, but it's not a you. It's the same kinda thoughts, and the same kinda actions, and the same kinda emotional states that you don't interrupt. You're nothing more than a habitual way of speaking and acting. That's it. You are your habits. And you have real life experiences of those same habits. And it seems to give them an emotional and psychological permanence. It seems like they're really real and permanent. The only way to become a different you and to build different relationships is to create new ways of speaking, and new ways of acting, and then act on those, and act on those, and act on those until they're intuitive. It's that simple. In this process you're gonna take that one change we identified previously and you're now gonna implement that into your life like, "This is how I'm gonna speak, "and this is how I'm gonna be, "and this is how I'm gonna act." Søren Kierkegaard, the Danish philosopher said, "Face the facts of being what you are, "for that is what changes what you are." 'Cause when you finally see it, now you have the potential for not that. And until you see it, you're just that. Does that make sense?
Like you gotta see you trashing your own life with your petty little upsets. And then finally, I'm not expecting you to be perfect. I'm not expecting your execution to be flawless, but I am expecting you to be authentic. Sometimes clumsy. But overall that you're someone who is an expression of someone that you didn't imagine you could be. And there's no point where you're gonna feel like oh you're shit's together with this. It doesn't work that way, you don't work that way. So if you do fall off the horse, for instance, I am expecting you, as your coach, to get right back on. You do not have my permission to linger. (audience laughter) That make sense?
You gotta get right back in there like, "You know what? "I read that abandonment thing, "that's what I'm about to do, not today." You might've heard me say this, and I definitely say it in the book. There's no cavalry coming for you. You are the cavalry. You are what the people in your life respond to. And you're doing a great disservice to yourself by turning yourself into a victim of somebody else. You're giving away your power, and your love, and your generosity, and your compassion, and the full spectrum of your human being-ness to some petty annoyance. Be a trendsetter. Be an agent for change that your life so desperately needs. The people in your life need you to be your greatest self, 'cause they can't be their greatest selves. Many of them are waiting on you to show up. Some of you complain that there's no love in your life. Well you could change that. Like you're the one for that job. It's your game. You got a choice here. You play full out, or you go along with the drift. And if you're gonna be coached by me or be in any conversation with me, I'm gonna demand of you to interrupt the drift. Interrupt the drift of who you've become. Take a stand for your own greatness, to be your greatest self, your most expressive self. There are circumstances. There's stuff to deal with. I get it. So what? You think people haven't dealt with that stuff? Listen. If you can't get along with your family, how are we supposed to sort it out in the Middle East? 'Cause they are human beings too. You can't sort that out with your dad, or your mom, or your cousin, or your sister? You can't sort that out? You gotta step up. It's not about negotiations, it's about are you gonna be your greatest self with these people and be a demonstration of what's possible and the kind of potential that you have. Have them aspire to it. You guys get that? You can go to my website garyjohnbishop.com. You can also join what I call 'The Nation'. So it's called 'Unfu*k Nation'. At which you know, I'm sure these guys are all gonna be shouting from the rooftops about Unfu*k Nation after being in this course today. I'm committed that people have an opportunity to produce real change in their lives. And that's why I created Unfu*k Nation, it's a place where you can get free resources, you can get blog pieces and videos, and all kinds of cool stuff, you can transform your life without having to pay for it if money's an issue for you. And there's some courses there like what I'm doing in "Creative Life". You can also find me on Instagram @GaryJohnBishop. You can find me on Twitter @GaryJohnBishop. You can look me up on Facebook, 'OneInSevenBillion', right, is the tag for that. And join the close to a quarter of a million people actually that follow my conversation on Facebook there. And again, that's another place for great, free resources and to kind of tune into my particular philosophy.
Thank you so much. (applause)