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Breaking Your Barriers

So what are the biggest barriers to finding everyone here is like, okay, we meet I get it I should do a dream job thing I should find a dream job okay sounds great let's just close it up for the day. Why don't we? Why don't we find a dream job? Who knows, besides the fact that I prematurely click that slide, what are what are some of the reasons we don't find a dream job too many too many too many options go on. What does that mean? Because you khun you can see that there's so many opportunities in the world and then you test yourself in I'll say I test myself and I'm good at this thing and they did this thing and get this thing and then it's kind of like the paradox of paralysis what? You have so many choices so you have so many choices, so if you choose one, then you give up another one, right? Okay, so in other words, we don't want to close doors, okay? What else for me? When I was looking for a job, I would not apply for several because it would have requirements that I wouldn't be...

like the perfect fit eso I'd be like, well, I have a c don't qualify so I wouldn't even try have you ever created a job description? Have you were hired? Someone created a and did you ever put requirements where if someone didn't have one of them, you would have been like whatever. Now that I'm on the other side of it, I get that, but before I went and I don't have a degree or I don't have that, I don't have it women in particular do this, they self select themselves out of applying for things because they don't fit every criteria and you know what guys do? Well, in general, men and women are both bad at finding dream jobs, but women in particular will self select themselves out. You know what men say be like, whatever I'm just gonna apply literally that's that's the these are the words they use and that right there is one way that you'll find a gender difference in how women's self sabotage themselves from even getting in the door. It's so interesting we'll talk more about gender later, sarah people will you is their degrees to disqualify themselves like they'll say, oh, I can't do explains them in english major, how the english love it you know what my major is? You think I have a personal finance major? I don't even know how to do math, I avoided math so much in college, it was ridiculous my math requirement fulfillment was fulfilled through me finding the easiest math class on campus and I am not kidding you it was called statistics in the associate in the archaeological age whatever that means I don't even know what that means we learned how to age bones or something and I checked the box and I'm out thank god now I have other people doing my math for me, okay? What else do we say to sort of make a reason for not finding a dream job? Yeah, I don't know the right people I don't know the right people I don't have the network that might work for him because he knows all these people but I'm just I'm just like a normal guy I don't have access to all these people another way to say that it's not what you know it's who you know and you know what the correct response to that is by the way yeah that's true so you better know some interesting people but what most people do it like I know I know it's just who you know I can't I don't know anybody, so I'm just gonna go home and eat some cereal now you're gonna learn how to meet the right people you can argue with the way the world works, you can say the world should be this or that but the world is the way it is so let's deal with that okay, megan you're just going to say I think may be tied in with all of these is just fear I know that I've suffered from that so fear of um you know what? I'm not that good at um like I'm kind of socially awkward or you know, I don't really I don't really think that I could succeed in doing that. So what were you so you don't say I'm not going to succeed I know you don't talk like that no one even uses the word succeed what words to use um I just I just really think I'm not I'm not qualified what words anybody I'm not good enough what else fraud I'm a fraud they're gonna discover I'm a fraud okay women particularly way meet the criteria but and I know I'm not the only one female friends of mine oh my god I'm so not going to apply for that once I get in the door they're totally gonna find out that I'm not that person really good what else any other anybody else have phrases about how we sort of self select ourselves out yeah, such a saturated market what chance do I have to take? Whatever yeah that's so good I should just take whatever exactly okay anybody else let's go to the web bringing brainiac says we reject ourselves so that we don't want others reject me mm hmm. Which is so interesting because the way that that I think about it and my students think about it now is you know what? Let them do the rejecting that's their job let them do their job don't reject yourself remember all those scholarships I applied for? There were a lot that I was not qualified for did I get rejected for most of yeah, I got it reject from a lot of them but I also got a few I also had friends of mine that said I'm not going to apply for scholarships my dad's a doctor so I happen to know this because I started a scholarship to give back and I was giving away free money no like if stands just free I was gonna write you a check and you know how many applicants I got the first time I did it think about that free money it's incredible we self select ourselves out I know people that are a lot of my friends are hiring managers now and they tell me the most ridiculous stories about how they'll put up I mean, for example, for young people especially they'll be like I was willing to pay sixty five thousand dollars for this job this person came in, I asked him how much their salary requirements were which by the way, you should never answer I'll teach you how to do that and they were like, I don't know I mean, I really just want to learn I'd be willing to take like anything really and my friend was like, sweet I just saved twenty five thousand dollars, which by the way, what happened to that twenty five thousand dollars anybody know correct bonuses for the top tier people to retain them? And you know what happens to everybody else? The mediocre performers there told phrases like this times are really tough this year we're not able to find it in the budget I'm only able to give you a three percent cost of living increase anybody ever hear those phrases? Yeah, well, chances are you're not a top performer and chances are you having negotiated in other words, you deserve it let that sink in for a second if you're not getting paid, what what you should be you deserve it. I asked my readers I gave him a couple of websites, which I'll cover later to find out how much they were underpaid by do you know the numbers that they threw around there were astonishing I'm underpaid by ten thousand dollars twelve thousand dollars twenty two thousand dollars hundreds of comments like this imagine if they were just paid the median range for their position, they'll be life changing money for people fifteen thousand dollars that's life changing money what we got on the web we've got a bunch we've got a photo who says I always say I'm not at that level yeah that's what I was going for megan so I just need to kind of like get a couple more years experience then I'll do it right okay that's how we talk let's get into our own heads and talk the way we talk what else for us we have designed diva says I imagine my dream job would require me to dress and speak to certain standards which I do not feel that I meet at present what does that mean? I don't really I'm curious what do I think that probably means I don't look like the person that should have that uh anybody ever feel that way that's anyone to me that's a girl thing okay meaning like what? Uh I don't know because I experienced that when I walked into my life one of my first like I guess corporate job and everybody was in suits and ties and the girls were like super sleek and professional on like high end clothes and I'm like I dress a target like I have to say I don't even look like I fit in here that's super interesting design diva clarified yeah expensive clothes super interesting I guess I didn't understand that because I used to work in silicon valley where you're lucky if people are wearing shoes so point take it all right, what else we have civil drafter says I don't have the formal education and I don't have the life experience background that my competition does yeah that's such a good one I don't have the education dino of the people I hired who I pay a lot of money to do you know what happened when I asked them for their resume? I never asked him for the rest of it because I don't care now is this true for every company no but I didn't care about their resume I don't know what school they went to I couldn't care less that's is that ironic because I went to a good school so don't you think that everyone who went to a good school looks for other no that's not true what did I want when I hired someone what did I want? Did I care about their educational background? No what did I care about preserving track record just having donated how they communicated I wanted them to solve my problems so if I hired an assistant does it matter what school she went to? No what matters we're taking your risk of taking a risk away she had to respond quickly she had to get through the gauntlet of tests I gave her she had to prove that she could be adept on the phone be polite under stress these are things that matter to me in other words she solved my problems could you solve someone's problems if you went to a community college? Of course you could. Now does it help to go to a really good school? Of course it does. I'm not gonna lie or beat around the bush about that gets you into certain doors. Um, but for most jobs, if you can actually solve their problems, in fact, if you can anticipate their problems better than even they can, the educational problem goes out the door that's for I would say ninety five to ninety seven percent of cos there are a few that you will need a top tier school to get into, like a top level management consulting firm or investment bank. But aside from that, basically this guys, okay, so what about for, like, jobs where it says, like, in that in the adder and their requirements, wherever it says, like college degree require something like that's your saying screw just playing north, what's the worst they going to do nothing, they're gonna just not respond to you big deal, what happens is we get we don't want that rejection and here's what we do it's so funny in the dating world is this thing called one itis where guys will, like, still pick one girl, they'll obsess over her like I need her and they'll just be obsessed and if she doesn't respond they start getting all despondent and they get really crazy, right? They concoct oh my god she hasn't responded by text she must hate me blah, blah, blah every guy watching this is like, yeah, I know I've been there. Well, well, what happens is guys forget like, there's a lot of fish in the sea, right? And what we forget when we're applying for a dream job is, uh, there's a lot of jobs out there and as a top performer, which we're going to learn how to do and b if they don't respond to me, it's their loss, so when someone literally has happen to me all the time in dream job testing, they're like, remain I applied to this company, they haven't replied yet and I'm like, ok, how long ago they're like ah, week and a half I said, ok, how many other companies have you applied to? No, no, no, I'm just waiting for that one and then I'm gonna decide to do. I'm like you're waiting for that one you need to be applying to ten a week and I show them how to do that ten of the right ones, not fifty of the wrong ones, so guess what happens when you apply to ten if one doesn't happen what happens you just like whatever I got nine others that are talking I got emails I got interviews I got coffee shop meetings so if you're obsessing over one once you open up the funnel you're not gonna be so worried about that one anymore all right so other barriers to finding a dream job this is a big one that no one really covered this won't work for me I call this the special snowflakes in here as if I'm a special snowflake you ever meet that might work for you or that might work for these guys here in studio but they're blank and let's insert the blanks right now they are what they went to an elite college they what they have a certain major what else more experience you have more experience what else they went to creative live in tikrit meets class yeah god created exactly they were there in studio there was some magic there what else they're prettier they're prettier very good what else there's a whole bunch let's go shut up more charismatic uh I live in canada and it won't work here that's so good that freeze jeffrey's right there is so telling I blank blank blank and it won't work here I get this get this hundreds of times a week literally people say will remain that won't work in the uk we don't do networking like that really maybe you're right maybe not. Who knows? Certainly not you unless you've tried it and by the way I have plenty of uk students who have succeeded I have students all over the world just like the people who are watching today. What else do we have? We've got jennifer verily verily ints! They're better looking more charismatic, okay? Samuel john, they're older wiser than me. Yeah, they came or experience smarter, skinnier younger, better connected dinner braver younger, better dress super interesting I bet you that all those comments about looks are from women super interesting how much looks factor into women where's guys air never thinking that you would never see a guy saying he got because he's skinnier than I never, never it's super interesting again a point to make that these discussions are gendered, whether you like to admit it or not, finding a dream job is gendered. The people who cried on the phone with me were women, the people who also learn how to negotiate very, very well where many men and women both can negotiate. Fact, some of the best negotiators I know are women, which is super interesting if they learn how to manage the strengths and weaknesses that men and women have all right, so this won't work for me look, this is going to be something that you're going to feel all day long fact, yesterday you might have felt it, too. That won't work for me. I don't charge that much. I don't have a wedding photography business. I'm just starting out. I don't have the right camera, but as we learned, you'll get those things, but you started, we all start off a certain level, and then we work our way up. So if you find yourself saying that won't work for me, put a pin in it, remember that and ask yourself, why am I feeling that? I'm not sure I'm qualified for this notice the dot dot dot I like to add the dot dot dot because people actually write this and e mails to me, and I just imagine someone sitting by, like, like it's raining outside and there, sitting by a window with, like, a cup of hot cocoa, just like crying. Oh, I'm not sure I'm qualified for this dot dot dot the dot dot dot is always when people are just like we being slowly with one tier down. I love that I love the visual, okay, so these are our barriers. Okay, um, there are ways to overcome all of these, and these are just three of the many barriers we have, so what have we done so far, we've agreed on what our. We've agreed that a dream job, we could probably get one. Maybe not today. But over time. We kind of thought about what our dream job is all going to get more specific.