Location, Location, Location
We talked about mindset, now it's like, okay if we have the right mindset going in, we also want to think about environmental factors, okay? Really really important. Where and when in space time we have these conversations matters. And so we want as part of that to leave space for it to land. People are gonna have a reaction of some kind, so that's both having a space where people can feel safe to respond or react, but also in how we communicate leaving space for it to land. So we're not just, here's a feedback, what are we gonna change and rush through it, which is better for us sometimes because then it's over, but not necessarily best for them or for the outcome we want. And I just want to say it's never just business. Feedback is always personal and business. So if you've ever said or thought it's just business, it's a way to hide from the reality of the challenge of feedback. And we're probably then gonna be much more in the clear and firm than in the friendly compassionate. And w...
e have to then supercharge that. So I want to just tell a quick story For me, I love feedback, and I seek it out a lot. And every single time I get it or am about to get it, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Every single time I have this puke-y feeling that comes up and I'm like oh no oh no it's coming again, it's coming again, not this again. And it's been that way forever, and as much as I couch on feedback and I lean into feedback, that hasn't really gone away, because I never know what's going to be said, or how I'm gonna feel after I hear it. And I'm kind of like bracing like, (groans) it's gonna hit me! So that's always happening for me, and I try to tell people that. Hey I feel super puke-y and vomit-y when I'm about to get feedback, but I still want it, it's really important! Don't not do it just because you see my face is queasy, just bring it, you know? So I couch people on that how to work with me. But another thing is I've also had really adverse effects to feedback. The most critical feedback I've ever received was from a manager, and he told me-- I got a bad review, and I had gotten like 200% of my number. I was in sales at the time. I was like, I'm crushin' it, I'm like just rockin' it. I was like one of the most senior people on the team, boom, numbers so good. I go into my review, you know it's kind of the yearly review. I think we did them every six months at the time. And there's a serious face in front of me, and I'm like, uh, this is an interesting. I didn't think this would be the tone today. (laughs) And the paper gets pushed in front of me, and you could either exceeds expectations, meets expectations, or miss expectations, basically. There was some other forms but that was basically it. I thought I was gonna be at exceeds expectations, that was my expectation. And I was misses expectations. What's going on, why? So he leads me through the feedback, and basically the feedback was you have a bad attitude that's affecting the team. You're a leader and you have the wrong approach to leadership and it's really negatively impacting the group, the organization. And I thought they were hiding the reason that they were giving me a negative review. I thought that was like a fake reason. 'Cause I was like, me, people love me! I'm so likable! So it took four different meetings with my manager where he'd tell me to like get up and take walks because he could tell that I was so heated. He'd be like I can see that you're feeling upset. Why don't we get up and take a walk. Before I could actually finally receive the feedback and let it land that that was the real reason, and because of that I changed completely my approach to my work. And from then on my goal was to have the best attitude and approach first, and then work would come second. Because what was happening was I was working so hard on my number, I was so focused on grinding so hard, that I would let every client interaction, every win or loss completely throw me off my center, and I'd be cursing out clients after I hung up the phone. That's a person a jerk, I would never-- And people were hearing that and receiving that. So even though I was so in the game and going for it, the way I was playing was affecting everyone else, right? So if my manager had tried to rush me through it or judge me I would probably have not actually let that land. I would have been like screw you, you know? But because he did it the right way and gave me space to let it land, I was able to change my approach, and then I got exceeds expectations or like greatly exceeds expectations the next quarter and the next years after that. And everything I am now as a communicator, presenter, coach, everything comes from that moment of attitude or energy first and then the work. And that came from feedback, one person did that. So what I want to do is get your thoughts on what is a nightmare environment for getting feedback? Like where is the worst possible place or places that someone could give you really important feedback? You can shoot at any time. Community kitchen, yes! Oh my god, so true. Someone's like opening a bag of Cheez-Its and like pouring them into a bowl while you're getting told you're doing a bad job. Oh my god. (laughing) Or like people can see you start crying. What else is a nightmare scenario? Yes. Okay, where else? Time of day, type of room?
Morning. I would have to come to work and get feedback right away.
Right away in the morning. 'Cause then you have your whole day ahead of you like in the office to process? Yeah just awful. That might be a little bit personal, but it's good to know that the time of day might matter to people. Maybe like on--
In front of people that you really care about.
Yeah, loved ones, yeah. How about like day of the week, does that matter at all for feedback?
Monday can be rough.
Monday can be rough because you have your whole week, have time to process, yeah. Maybe like before a holiday.
Friday, like just before a weekend.
'Cause you just keep thinking about it the whole weekend.
You're like, I'm trying to have fun this weekend. You ruined my weekend, I'm supposed to party. Anywhere else that could be a nightmare?
Not all conference rooms are private.
There are definitely conference rooms where people outside could hear what's going on in the conference room, or say your boss wants to take you to coffee, and that's not really private either.
Yeah, public place.
If it's vulnerable feedback, then I wouldn't enjoy that.
I would also say over the phone. Like I would rather have it in person, face to face.
So some people that work remotely, almost always, they have a teams that are remote, that's a major problem. So email is the worst, then chat, then phone, then video chat, then in person, right? And then some of these other factors. So if you are remote and you have to do it on the phone, you should probably do a video chat so they can see your face, yeah? In a quiet place. Anything else to say on nightmare? Great. So let's switch colors then, and what's the ideal environment to receive or give feedback?
Private, yeah. And sometimes it's like a nested egg, where like you're in a private room but also you should be the one, if you're receiving the feedback-- Let's say you're giving feedback to someone. Let them to be the one to face the wall and you face the window. So that people walking by see your face, not like the potential tears of the person you're giving feedback to. When I couch I always have the client sit with their back to the opening, and they face the wall so that they don't have to be distracted by their peers or be seen. Creates a sense of safety. It's a little environmental thing, but it makes a big difference. Anything else on ideal?
I think amenities can be helpful. If they're giving difficult feedback, having Kleenex for them.
Yes. Oh my god amenities, I can't spell that, live on air. (laughs) Yeah. And maybe make sure they have water, whatever it is. Sometimes when they're having a difficult time, it can be good sometimes to say, why don't you come over, I'm gonna go grab some tissue for you and come back. Or I'm gonna go grab you a glass of water. It can be a great way to give them some space sometimes, by going and getting them an amenity that is like taking care of them. That gives them the break without deferring the conversation. Anything else about ideal?
Giving feedback at people's safe space if they are comfortable at a certain location. Maybe it's a certain conference room or a certain level. Just be there instead of you choosing the place for them.
Yeah. And for some people you might know about them, they might enjoy moving, like a walk. It depends. Sometimes a walk you're facing the same direction, it's not so intense having it come right at you. Anything else? I think the key for you to think about more than anything is that there are differences. So be thinking about what is the ideal for that person with that piece of feedback, okay? Be creative, be flexible, yeah? So where and when matters, and people need time. Don't rush them through and it's always personal in business, okay?