How to Build Confidence and Be More Social
Vanessa Van Edwards, Chase Jarvis
Lessons
Class Description
There's a common misconception that artists have a monopoly on creativity...But the very act of making waves - no matter the career - is a creative one. The Chase Jarvis Live Show is an exploration of creativity, self-discovery, entrepreneurship, hard-earned lessons, and so much more. Chase sits down with the world's top creators, entrepreneurs, and thought leaders and unpacks actionable, valuable insights to help you live your dreams in career, hobby, and life.
ABOUT THIS EPISODE:
Building Charisma with Non-Verbal Cues
Is charisma a born trait? Or can it be learned? On today’s episode, Vanessa Van Edwards—a renowned expert on social skills and interpersonal intelligence is in the building with a toolbox of techniques and non-verbal cues that will supercharge your communication.
“I used to think you’re either born with charisma, or you’re not. Then I stumbled upon research that showed highly charismatic people have a very specific blend of two traits that can be learned,” she said, referring to studies by Susan Fisk and her team.
Those traits are warmth and competence, explains Vanessa, whose new book, “Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication.”
Quoting Fisk, Vanessa added that 82% of our judgments are based on these two qualities. It turns out analyzing warmth and competence is wired into humanity due to its importance in social interaction and survival.
What body language tells us when we communicate
The very first question we ask about someone we meet is: Can I trust you? To answer that question, Vanessa explains, we pay attention to verbal and non-verbal “cues” that signal warmth and tell us if the other person likes us and is honest with us. She defines cues as “the tiny signals we send to others 24/7 through our body language, facial expressions, word choice, and vocal inflection.”
The second question is: Can I rely on you? “The faster we can answer these questions, the faster we can connect with people,” she said, adding that her team’s analysis of around 500 startup pitches on the business reality TV show “Shark Tank” for her new book supports that argument. They found that the successful pitchers quickly established trust and credibility.
Vanessa—the lead investigator at her behavior research lab, Science of People—said one of the biggest mistakes that even very smart people make is stifling their cues because they assume their silence will make them seem more powerful.
But if we’re not expressive, the other person cannot answer the questions we talked about earlier, she added.
According to her, we can adjust the traits of warmth and competence for different audiences.
“For example, if we’re trying to hold the attention of some new folks, warmth is a characteristic we want to escalate. And if we’re trying to impress our boss, we need to maintain warmth but also demonstrate competence.”
Can we communicate effectively in the Zoom era?
I was curious to know if we can still communicate effectively and give and receive social cues in today’s digital world where most meetings take place online. According to Vanessa, it’s a myth that cues are less important on a video call. In fact, they’re more important because we’re dealing with a smaller amount of input. “We get burnt out faster on video calls because our brain is working harder to figure out if we can trust and rely on someone.” But the good news is when we have fewer inputs, it’s easier to work with what we have.
The importance of our body language can’t be underestimated, according to researchers such as body language expert Albert Mehrabian. His 7-38-55 rule states that 7% of meaning is conveyed by the spoken word, 38% by tone of voice, and 55% by body language.
Always love learning these practical tips from Vanessa that helps us become a more charismatic and effective communicators, whether you’re at the grocery store, on a date, or pitching on Shark Tank.
Ratings and Reviews
Liz
Vanessa has some very interesting information that she shares and I'm enjoying another class on CreativeLive that she gave earlier. Very curious what she shares about cues here in this talk, and specifically the cue for contempt, which seems to be a big indicator for failing marriages/relationships. But where does contempt start? It starts with a thought building upon another thought where we don't forgive and we keep records of wrongs. Instead of being committed to forgive, to work through things, to love (a choice/commitment many times and not a just feeling like many think it is) above all else, then we are setting ourselves up for contempt/bitterness and that's a root that stays there until someone can forgive and let go. I think Vanessa has made some powerful observations and I'm sure her class and books will share much more, but sometimes this feels a little manipulative in the sense that I have to perform a certain way to get what I want from you. We want to make good connections with others, but are we so starved for a approval that we can't be ourselves? I'm all about continuous improvement and growth, but the less I worry about what others think of me and the more I am myself, the freer I feel. My aim is always to show others true respect, warmth (even love on some appropriate level), and value them, but whether they like me or not I guess is up to them. I can't let that change me unless I see that I can improve and grow in a positive way by changing. I know all people value things differently, but that's where my peace is at. Anyway, looking forward to more from Vanessa. She's a great observer and teacher.
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