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Lesson Info

Look at Yourself in the Mirror

All right already welcome too weak to who are you who are you anyway that's what week two is gonna be about were here unless and five and we're going to take a look at ourselves all right so if you've got the workbook the lesson is in here and they're going to actually dive a bit deeper during this segment why look at ourselves right so here's the thing perception is reality and the perception of ourself effects the perception that others have of us we have to be reflective and deeply honest about this in order to make any changes or to have any influence over our injuries kind of meanders away and it may not be going in the direction that we want another thing that is part of this is that we are critical of ourselves anyone notice that deeply, deeply critical and deeply deeply judgemental about how we look may be how we sound um who knows what and you think everyone staring at it and you know what they're worried about themselves were not really you're not it's not like this not whate...

ver you think is wrong with you is not occupying the imagination of the other people as much as you might think it's not think about it right but this is really really important to understand how you think of yourself how you judge yourself what inner critic comes up because it can stop you from getting up on stage from going toe a networking meeting boldly asking a new client for business you know, because you have all this inner critic stuff rattling around in your head um so I'm gonna I'm gonna actually asked me students teo talk about this a bit and one of the one of things I want to talk about is, um reaching out to others to actually understand what they think of you if you asked so there was an assignment to ask what others think of you in one word and, um I'm gonna go around and let's hear what that wass john was the one word that came up past five different people us five different people okay, so it's five words fine. What were you would you see a pattern or any any particular words strike you? Um they were amazing, amazing crazy driven and I don't remember the other one how does that feel? That's how your people please people closest to you delivered and they said amazing twice got too amazing to amazing how does that how does it feel to receive that that's how people see you it felt amaze it felt it felt like I had to challenge my own thoughts like you were saying we're talking about the inner critic I do not see myself that way you don't see yourself it's amazing I get little glimpses of it but that isn't how I walk around I don't walk around thinking I'm amazing I don't I don't feel like that all the time I feel all kinds of other things you feel it doesn't doesn't match what the feedback that you got sometimes it does and it reminded me that other people see me in they see the positives that sometimes I see and they don't see the negatives that I'm so good at scene right in myself right so imagine if you entertained their view of you for just a bit don't you feel like you would be more you know more empowered more confident yeah more willing to take a risk put yourself out there claim that you're a writer you have to say that out loud right it is so what that inner critic rattling around in our head that is what is ruling the roost and we think that our intellect is in charge and it's not in charge we're going to hear from dr george pratt who's going to actually talk to us about our subconscious in our conscious mind so a lot of this stuff is bubbling around unconsciously and this exercise is about becoming conscious of it what you say about yourself how you view yourself okay felix yes um did you have one word or one piece of feedback that described how other people see you? Yes, I had well I had loving I had confident which I guess when I'm doing my work I'm not aware of me I'm very passionate about what I what I do so I guess it does come out and I'm yeah but there's a little bit of a rub so someone said you're confident on dh you're like really am I confident right a little bit yeah okay all right. And, um what were some of the others oh someone wrote passionate which I am actually won that kind of makes me a little bashful is handsome you're handsome thank you I think felix is handsome. Great. Ok, thanks. Beautiful took a while. Is that hard to take in? Absolutely. Okay. All right, all right. Your next kathy what's one did one thing started one thing uh jump out at you or anything in particular jump out at you is how you're perceived. It was all very nice and one was interesting. It wasn't necessarily my favorite, but it was interesting it was layered, layered. Okay, yeah. All right, so maybe so here's the thing someone might say you know you're you know and uh kind of a bitch does that doesn't and we give so much weight we give so much weight to that negative perception that one criticism blows up and becomes an overwhelming force and undermines our confidence, right? Yeah, I'd yes but I think that was the criticism I'm just saying I didn't take this one that way, but I get exactly what I'm saying though I, you know, was if ninety nine people had said wonderful things and one person is said one negative focus on that that's all I could think about but not everyone's gonna like us, not everyone's going to see us in a positive light, and when if you're an artist and you're putting your heart felt creation out there, you're making yourself very, very vulnerable and actually that's what makes you attractive is when you're very open and you're very vulnerable, even if you're technically superb at what is a musician, for example remember seeing this musician she's technically purser, but she was precise she's incredibly talented, but she was so technical there is no open heartedness about I wished, you know, she would just be more open and relaxed, and I think the music would have held more appeal she wasn't very vulnerable, so you have to go, you know, we have to go through this exercise online. John, have you ever encounter any haters? You probably have been lucky, but you're already be like, be witnessed it right for sure, so if you put yourself online like I'm doing right now now, I was gonna like it and I can't I can't I can't concern myself with that I have to concern myself with who's in front of me now how can I serve you what can I d'oh I have to focus on how I am you know my doing a good job making a difference there's always going to be someone who hates my guts doesn't like my hair do like this and like that's gonna happen it's gonna happen you're gonna deal with skeptics right felix you're gonna deal with hateful skeptics who think you're doing that a work of the devil right? Because right you have to deal with some serious skeptics all right? So this self image the way you see yourself the way experience yourself the way that you're perception is going to basically be a tough line shield or it's going to leave you wide open and you're going to be undermined easily by critics your sense of self is important in the way you know that you build it up is doesn't happen overnight it takes time so if you feel like you lack confidence and that you don't feel like your perception doesn't match what a successful person might feel about themselves that's okay just start with an awareness that's what this exercise is about start with an awareness of how you see yourself alright so jen, what do people give you in terms of feedback of how they see you um, it was interesting. So I think I e mailed six people and two people said curious and two people said adventurous. Okay. And how does that resonate with your own self image? So I always want to be curious. So that felt good. That felt good. Okay. Yeah, that was that was affirming that was affirming. Alright. Okay, joni. Well, um, one of the suggestions you had was to email it to your entire address. You could be adventurous. You could be, but I e mailed it to the important people in my address book. So about forty people, okay? And nine of them said creative that came out right away. Okay, so one of the other things I felt was like getting all these responses. He's one there's so many. I mean, I have forty or more that it was a real boost to my ego. Like I was amazed that people saw me this way. I was actually surprised by some of these answers, but not really but it's, just not the thing I focus on when I think of myself. Okay, so it was very affirming, okay? And it was a very positive and uplifting experience to get all that from all these important people in my life for you guys glad you did this exercise, yes. Okay, so you got a little taste of what people think of you how other people see you and it was generally it was a really positive it was a really positive with everybody here right expecting such nice things for my children I don't know why but I mean you because I'm the mom they said the nicest things they love their mom you're obviously good mom okay, so that was an exercise of how other people see you but what counts more than that exactly. So we have another exercise we have another exercise on how you see yourself all right it's gonna take some brave faithful who's feeling brave or shall I pick you all right? John john's feeling brave so john come on up on stage have a nice mirror here for you. All right, so forget everyone's there, all right? All right um minute I'm gonna let you know this is a hard exercise it's really hard look at yourself um but it's worth it or we wouldn't put you through it so john looking at yourself now I want to be real honest and just say what's the first thing you see either physically or feel inside um feel inside just uncomfortable to look at myself and then physically I realized my hands are huge is that my pocket? Okay, your hands, they're huge and it's uncomfortable to look at yourself yeah, I'm just not used to standing and staring at myself okay, what else you see? Um a feel mostly just that this feels strange um okay, I see um my hair's not really come today which it never is so ok on dh I don't know okay, I don't know all right, so you noticed your physical appearance and in terms of inter inner feelings you're not feeling a whole lot better feelings I'm just I noticed how strange it feels to just look at myself in the mirror. Okay that's pretty much it okay, all right that's fine. So what I'm gonna ask you to dio is, um try this in the privacy of your home and, um take an honest inventory of how you feel and not just how you look and that's a tough one that's the part that's guiding everything that is everything that internal dialogue um is huge. This is why I really recommend a meditation practice a mindfulness practice of some sort so you can actually get in touch with your core feelings. So thank you for volunteering appreciate it actually have a quick question. Yeah um I know that we're talking a little bit about you know, our haters or people who, you know, just spring negative comments, right your person or who you are? Yeah. Where do we kind of draw the line between what is being hated on and what is really what's critical actual feedback that's a great question so I think the way to discern what's just pure hate and judgement is the tone you know, something criticism can be delivered like a you know a dagger or it can be delivered gently you know, which is actually you want you're welcome that right is actually oh that's right? You know what? You're right I noticed that or let me think about that it's the tone I think it's the tone um more than any a thing there's a queue of whether or not it's meant if it's designed to hurt you or if it's designed to help you and s o I would I would also say it might feel hateful but you know take us take a step back maybe it hit a sensitive cord sleep on it maybe there is some truth in it and it's worth examining and it really was it really maybe maybe it's not the way you'd crafted but they their intentions are honest and there's some value in it if you put yourself out there is an artist you're going to get criticism it's it's part of the territory any it is just part of the territory so this is an important part of it all right, so um cathy would like to come up next so thank you for being brave first of all, um when you look in the mirror don't look at me look at the mirror was the first thing keep looking look at her she's beautiful look at her what do you see our what do you feel? I feel like I dressed for a different person he's like a drug for just okay this isn't really who I think I just dressed to be safe okay? Not really who I am okay that's not really who you are what else keep looking at her she's here for you she's talking to what else do you notice or feel? I don't know how to answer that just gas said how you feel how do I feel I feel so wrong and right or no wrong or right answer yours just say what it isthe um like someone with a pretty heavy history okay, I just you know, maybe see it in the lines and that the weight and the right you like stuff like I carry my stuff on the outside. Okay. So heavy history all right? Some of us probably not as confident as they'd like to be for sure someone who we would like to be more confident. Yeah. Okay. All right, great. You did it all right now did that? Did that feel like an honest reflection of how you feel maybe often yeah, that you feel like you've got a heavy history and maybe you're not a hundred per cent authentic in the way you'd liketo appear physically or you know your wardrobe or whatever it isthe so that's is that something this is the point is this a tape loop that's going in your head on in the background on a continuous basis does it sound familiar? Um parts of it does part does okay so that's the point of this exercise is just to notice where the tape loops that are running the back your head are you in touch with them or can you not even feel anything right it's good to feel it creativity is emotion it's all feeling alright so thank you very much thank you alright well thanks for making me do it I promised I would this is hard stuff everyone who applied to be here um you know are other brave you guys are brave examples you know it's very public and you have to be very vulnerable but son and like being an artist right? Okay tony come on up so can you see? Yes all right so the truth will say free when you look at them in the mirror what's the first thing that strikes you uh I see my smile I feel vulnerable I see that things I don't like about myself versus my assets I feel a little nervous yes and I feel brave you are, um I wish I could photoshopped this uh okay what else? Um e guess I feel a little anxious being here you know, in in front of all these people and I wonder how I'm being perceived see, this is just a sound from leader guys wondering how I'm being perceived when I think back on the last exercise and what all those wonderful friends said about me though they did say nice thing they said great things yeah um I don't see that so I want to see that I'm kind I'm looking so that I can remember that's who I really am right? Are you seeing the physical you more than the evidence of you I'm seeing the physical me more than the essence of may definitely so let's sink deeper and let's how do you let's go into the essence of you and the inside of you? All right, how do you when you look in the mirror? How? What are some of the feelings that come up that about yourself and about your own idea of yourself your self image? Um I guess I feel like I am a creative person and that I have a lot to give and then I'm a very giving person um I'm good at what I d'oh I'm honest some loyal I'm pretty you are thank you you are if you had to tell her one thing um that she needs to be reminded off when she's concerned about what other people think of her could you give her one piece of advice? They're not seeing that at all no there I started off with this they're not seeing it they're not saying that there experiencing the real may who is an oil strike creative honest if she does have a nice smile thank you warmth yes, right. All right hard isn't hard. This is what makes it hard. Um I think you know, just not being comfortable in my own skin sometimes because of all the baggage and you know, the emotions you carry around with you that come through all of the experiences of your life so you see that you feel that I feel that when I looked there sometimes I actually do an exercise where actually look at myself into my eyes in the mirror, huh? And it can it will take you all the way back to when you were a little girl. Really? Yeah. That's an interesting exercise. So for extra credit everybody that's a great exercise so you look in the mirror, you look into your eyes and how long do you do this for it's? Kind of mesmerizing, you know, and sometimes it happens like what I'm putting on makeup on always suddenly just get distracted by that and okay it's sort of a meditation in a way I think it's a beautiful meditation because I think it helps you get to your core and I'm not surprised it takes you to childhood which is usually shapes are self perception in pretty short order. Okay, thank you very much for your bravery I think every shade it appreciate it very much. Ok, felix, come on up. All right, felix so you're looking at this man in the mirror what? What do you what do you feel? What do you think? Well, the first thing that I do is I'm very critical. Look, I need a haircut. Um I could stand to lose some weight, but looking past that I see someone who cares. They see someone who look who is confident when he wants to be. He puts himself out there very brave considering of my insecurities of how I look and what you d'oh, which is controversial, okay? Any any self criticism come up? Oh, yeah you're going to hear a hair kind of heard that yeah, I like to lose some weight gruesomely. Okay, so this guy's wise he's very wise and here's all the stuff in your head here is the criticism I need to lose weight and you do this I need to do that. What can he give you a piece of advice when this dialogue of inter criticism fires up yes what could he say get out of your own way get out of your own way get out of your own way I love it all right okay thank you very well thank you very very powerful thank you you guys identify with some of the things people are saying we're all human if I did this exercise which I'm not because I'm the boss I'm saying the same stuff air similar and I love that you said get out of your own way that's yeah exactly all right jen last up last but not least okay to stand right there can you see yourself okay all right so what is the feeling when you look in the mirror and you see yourself okay first I just see my face okay and that feels no it it actually feels a little bit happy okay like it feels like a face that's made some really positive choices and it feels like my eyes they feel cleared away okay um and I feel like I sort of feel a person who's transitioned from not feeling good when looking in the mirror to someone who feels clear and then I can kind of like oh my body a little bit like it is sort of is what it isthe because my eyes my eyes draw me like to just feel more at ease in my body and I can really look at my look in my eyes and say you know okay, just take life one day at a time when you looked in the mirror in the past uh is there e struck by difference the way you feel now versus in the past yeah what's the difference yeah, I feel in the past I've looked in the mirror and not even known to him looking at you know, like the way that I dressed or but the way that I wasn't smiling you know, it just there was I remember looking in the past it all of this pain and anger sometimes and then other times just like like who is this? Okay, perfect. Thank you so much so that all right you guys identify with us? No yourself. Thank you very much. Thank you. Alright, this way. All right, so we're coming. Tio um the end of our lesson how'd you guys like that one tough one, right? Yeah. All right, so, um we're coming to our next lesson, lesson six uh, which is getting honest about our strengths and our weaknesses before before we go there and win it reminds you to take some action. So again, if you're feeling all by yourself, go to join dot artist who thrive dot com and asked to join the mastermind group and make sure you've marked in your progress on these assignments in your book and have it printed out. Make sure your calendars marked, so you know when to show up for the next class. And don't do this by yourself. Ask. A friend asked to friends, is too injured to join you. Somebody supportive, find someone to join you in this journey. So thank you very much, and I look forward to seeing you in our next segment. Lesson six.