Key Coaching Techniques
There's some key ones we're gonna get into and we're about to play with some of these. In fact, we're gonna play with all of them. So, the first is some of the differences about being a coach versus being a therapist or a consultant is we tend to want to be in the now. What's happening right now? And the way I look at things and I think there's a truth to this is that things are cyclical. They're loops. Right? And so, the big themes of someone that they're working on, those themes are gonna show up time and time again. So usually, if it's something, they're talking about some big thing out in the world, like at their job or in their romantic life and your like, "Wow, how do I fix that?" Ughhh How do I do it? I don't know cause you don't always have the answer when you're coaching. Right? It's an exploration. One thing I look for is what are they showing me right now that could be related to their challenge in that thing out there that I don't get to see as easily. Now, I may have them ...
tell me about their pattern. "Okay, tell me what's going on?" And I have them, I break it into chunks, I zoom in. "Tell me specifically what did they do,? What did you do? What happened?" Like a camera. I wanna see the game film. But most of the time I would say, even in doing that, the way they tell me, the way they respond to me, that is how I understand what might be the problem. So, if they're telling a lot of stories rather than being really fact based, or they might be, like, having a theory or story rather than being connected to reality or they might be getting really angry or frustrated so they have a mindset that might be triggering them in these situations. That's actually not useful for them Right? Or they might be confused in a certain area. I can tell they're glossing over a key area. We've gotta work on that. That's what is probably then causing that problem out there. So, what I mean by that is, if you're not sure what's happening now, or excuse me, what's happening out there, or when you're coaching someone, think about what they're showing you right in this moment. Look at all the data that's available to you right now. You can tell a lot about a person just from being with them and listening. We're gonna do some listening exercises later. Okay. The other thing is be specific. Make them be specific and you need to be specific. Sometimes that's a challenge. So what I do is I notice I'm being vague, kinda like, not really making sense, I'll pause myself. Like, alright, I realize I didn't really make alot of sense, let me try white boarding it and I'll go and I'll mix it up, and I'll white board it. Right? Or I'll say it a different way or I'll slow myself down. You have to be specific and you have to make them be specific. If you're getting stuck in a coaching, it's probably because you're staying at too much of an abstract or vague level and there's not enough data for you to play with. So go down, okay? Listen with intent. I kinda just told you about that. Listening is good. Listening with intention is much better because what you're doing is you're specifically focusing on certain key aspects of what data is coming out to you, with a person, to then have a result. So we're gonna go into that more. I'll show you what that means. Last is, excuse me not last, but second to last, ask quality questions. So will talk a little about what a quality question looks like. There's a book called, "Ask A Better Question", but you don't really need to be like an expert question asker. What I would say is, and we'll go into this a little more, is think about what answer you want first. Like, what could they say to you that would be beneficial and then ask a question that would get them there. Not a leading question, but know kinda what kind of answer you're looking for before you ask the question. Not what their answer is gonna be, not like an answer, but like the zone of the answer. Do you want them to really paint a picture for you? Do you want, like, to rate themselves, like in a numerical way? Right? Do you want them to reflect on something? You've gotta figure out what kind of answer would satisfy what we need, then ask a questions for that. Will go in more on that. The last, last one, actually this time, is challenge. So, Lauren, the challenger, this is gonna be good for you. If you do not challenge your clients, they will not get better, or improve, or push themselves. It's like you weren't even there. They're just gonna be on the same path they came in on. You're trying to shift their curve. Wherever they're going, their trajectory, you wanna make it steeper and better. Right? So you're just bending it, shifting it, but you've gotta challenge them and you've gotta find the right places to challenge them. Too much challenge will burn them out, not enough challenge will make them feel bored. Okay?